Confessions of an Undisguised Drama Queen

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Realization

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalms 37:4

It dawned upon me that my Jesus never forgets despite the fact that I have long forgotten what I've once asked.

He remembers and He answered.

Even though it wasn't the remedy to my problem then, I knew it was something that would make me feel better. I cried out time and time again for Him to give me the 'anaesthetic' that would numb the pain but I never got it. He only had one thing for me to do - to trust in Him and let Him carry me through the trying times.

It wasn't easy.

I struggled to focus on the good stuff and to keep my eyes on Him. There were many times when I just felt like breaking down but I reminded myself of how much He loves me and is always with me.

Now that I've overcome the problem (without even realizing it!), it occurred to me that, had He given me what I asked for then, I'd never have come to terms with the issue. The anaesthetic would divert my attention and I'd be happier for a while but the problem will still exist. I wasn't able to see the root of the problem and what I asked for wasn't actually the solution. It was merely something that could only remove the symptoms and hide the disease.

But He still remembers my heart's desire.

My Jesus loves me and He does grant my desires - but only when I'm ready for them.

[Time of Confession] 12:11 AM
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