[C'EST MOI]
living paradox. individualist with anarchistic tendencies.
eludes eminence but appreciates subtle recognition.
capricious yet dependable. clandestine and unfathomable.
cynical realist who succumbs to the occasional idealism.
[J'AIME]
music. films. feasting & drinking. team sports.
good company; family, friends and those who share similar interests.
It's the same thing every Friday. I'm a walking panda with half-opened eyes, dragging my feet along, looking like a total wreck. Bless those who have been exposed to the unsightly image of me.
No, I haven't been partying late. Just supper and late nights doing work and/or bumming. I still get the occasional insomnia; and it seems to like me especially on Thursday nights.
Last night was the first hall supper and since I had to cover the event for the hall's publications ( I need to churn out the article as soon as I get my rested sleep), I pulled Tresa along with me to eat, drink and be entertained (and also to spy on what, only Tresa and Lydia knows!!) - we were sitting around watching a dance performance with food in our laps when it suddenly struck us: we were exactly like some old folks who were being treated to some charity performance! Let's just say the laughing started from then. And the silly thing? We were laughing at ourselves.
Then when the crowd started to clear, we went back upstairs and I began to tell Lydia about the thing I saw downstairs. It got her excited too: she wanted to go down to take a look for herself. I refused but she later said that she wanted to get something from her van anyway, so I jumped at the opportunity to accompany her downstairs.
Haha... things got a little complicated thereafter. When she found out that the thing I was referring to was only on the slideshow that was screened, she cried foul and accused me of 'cheating' her. I quickly defended myself: I'd only followed her down because she said she needed to get something! But guess what, she didn't bring her keys down! So who's the one being cheated?
Anyway, if you're wondering what's the thing we were so hyped up about, you'll have to get to me personally... it's much too embarassing to display it here.
After arguing over who cheated whom, we got hungry and headed out to Bt. Timah for supper (after supper).
Felt so fatty after roti prata (plaster, paper and tissue!) and Horlicks dinosaur (super sweet) that I couldn't sleep well... and that's how a panda is sitting in front of the laptop now.
[Time of Confession] 5:24 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Tuesday, September 27, 2005
With boys like these....
I was one irritated, pissed off person during my plant biology practical lesson yesterday. I might have snarled at anyone who was in the way - there just seemed to be something that pushed the wrong buttons.
I was wearing my new shoes (very nice and clean cream-coloured shoes) but the whole world was on my toes. Literally. What is it with new shoes and people stepping on them accidently? Really, almost every single person who passed me had to leave a footprint on my pretty tootsies. And the irritating thing is, they didn't even notice that they had ruined my perfectly dainty trod when I stopped each second to scrutinize my feet, checking that my shoes were still intact.
Then, our professor did a demonstration of the extraction of some chemical compounds from chinese herbs. Naturally, everyone crowded around him to get a clear view of the experimental apparatus. However,Von and I had a completely obscured view due to some tall guys who quickly formed a fort around the professor.
It was quite evident that there were some girls (obviously not as tall as them) who were tiptoe-ing and commenting that they couldn't really see. But these guys, did not so much as move aside a little so we could at least see SOMETHING. I even remember muttering quite loudly (on purpose), "wah, how are we supposed to see anything? our entire view is blocked..." This particular guy who I'm quite sure heard what I said, continued to stay rooted to the floor. Then more guys came from the other lab to take a look, and started to squeeze into the fort, pushing us further behind.
@#$!%#^@&#@@!!
What is it with such guys??!!!!
Urgh... totally put me off.
Anyway, with boys like these (where have all the good men gone?), it's indeed a blessing to be single. Here are more reasons to rejoice (quoted from CLEO):
Why it's Healthy to be Single 1. You're slimmer A Cornell University study found that singles gained less weight over ten years than married couples did cos having a companion for meals can cause you to eat more. Singles are also more motivated to watch their weight than Marrieds.
2. You sleep and think better According to a survey by Tylenol in the US, 60% of singles sleep more - at least 7 hours a night, which is essential for restoring your body and mind. You also get quality ZZZs cos you don't have someone disrupting your sleep with snores.
3. You're happier When you retain control - over the remote, the bedroom-room decor, the vacation destination, even where and how you want each meal each day. That's essential since a lack of control can lead to anxiety, frustration and depression.
4. You're healthier Singles are better at fostering female friendships but once you're married, the focus naturally shifts to your husband. According to a study of The International Journal of Behavioural Medicine, close female relationships can benefit your health by keeping blood pressure from rising and easing stress.
[Time of Confession] 10:25 PM 8 Wisecracks for Me
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Monday, September 26, 2005
Of Magnets and Sex Appeal
'They're young, suave, sexy, single and VERY talented 6 men who sing in an acapella group.'
The above statement was repeated many times.
Not that it was necessary. It was quite evident from where I was sitting in the stalls.
After a morning of running errands for my mum, I finally had time for a real weekend: Lunch with Von and a whole evening with 6 sexy men. It was a treat for the ears and the eyes. Really. Never bluff.
I thoroughly enjoyed the concert - it's amazing what the guys can do with their vocals! The percussion, the bass, the backup and the melody were all made with nothing but their voices.
C'est magnifique!!
Totally rocked the whole theatre; not only did they they manage to get the audience to sing along with them *shalalalalala*, they got us up on our feet, DANCING to 'Don't Blame it on the Boogie'. Yes, US. Singaporeans. Dancing on our feet in Victoria Theatre. Believe it or not. It's amazing what sex appeal can do to stoic, disinterested people like us.
This was the large crowd that was swarming towards the guys after the concert for their autographs. Being able to take this picture indicates obviously that I was among the crowd and was also seeking their signatures on my newly-bought album.
It's terrible what 6 talented and good-looking men can do to me. I immediately reduce to a shrill, babbling, want-to-remain-composed-but-fail-miserably, girly girl. (someone just kick me. where the hell did my brains go to?)
It's fatal attraction I tell you.
Getting autographs from them was second to asking me to speak in front ministers. "Ermm... hello... erm... can I.... "(and here, my voice drowns among the screaming teenagers)
In the end I just gave up and sheepishly held the CD in front of me, hoping that they could SEE me from up there.
Did I forget to mention that they were surprisingly tall upfront? No?
When they were onstage, other than 2 prominently tall singers, the rest seemed rather, well, average, in height. But as they walked down the stairs and stood in front of me, I was like David and they, Goliath. (Thank goodness I'm not a performer. Can you imagine how I'm going to sell concert tickets if the audience can't see me on the stage because I'm too tiny? I will have to pay for them to use complimentary binoculars!!)
So anyway, I managed to take a picture with one very good-looking magnet before my camera decided to die on me.
This is Andy Frost, the vocal percussionist of the group. Man, he practically has an entire drum-set in his mouth.
And finally, the CD autographed by all of them.
[Time of Confession] 12:08 AM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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For you, learning a language is about career advancement and communication. Knowing Spanish will bring you tons of possiblities for jobs and travel. Bárbaro!
Event Date: 6th Nov 2005 Time: 8pm Venue: Singapore Expo Hall 1
Lisa Ono, the most sophisticated Japanese interpreter of contemporary Bossa Nova, will hold her first concert in Singapore on November 6, 2005.
The Lisa Ono “Romance Latino” Tour 2005 promises to be an exciting night of tender romance and simmering passion. She will deliver a sultry repertoire of songs cued from her latest Bossa Nova music expedition: the three “Romance Latino” albums.
Since debuting in 1989 with Catopili, Lisa Ono has steadily won over fans all over the world with her winsome smile, silky voice and staggering guitar work. She is currently enjoying unprecedented and unparalleled success. Her style and voice rival that of Brazilian divas such as Gal Costa and Joyce while her delivery and tone are exquisite. Her mastery of the natural, unforced Bossa Nova sound has also received the stamp of approval from Bossa Nova pioneer Antonio Carlos Jobim, with whom she has collaborated. Her material is extraordinary, made more so by the lilting and unmistakable voice.
[Time of Confession] 1:16 AM 3 Wisecracks for Me
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Friday, September 23, 2005
Just wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU to Mokkie and Ian who left little words of wisdom and encouragement regarding my previous post. I think both of them made alot of sense.
"ur frens will be there to hold onto u, until u find ur purpose in life! we can't tell u wat to do, but we'll support u!" "if everything you do in life is somewhat geared towards personal achievement and gain -the typical singaporean trait: treating everything in life as a commodity- it is only matter of time that life feels aimless, colourless and bland. life is much more than accomplishing great things or gaining some measure of status."
It's true, I've been living a selfish life.
But who isn't?
And much as I want to blame the competitiveness and dog-eat-dog society in Singapore, I too, have been weak and carried on by the mindless struggle to get good grades, make money etc, missing out on the big picture, that there are many people out there who are much in need of help.
I can make a difference.
Then there's the argument that given my coursework and it demands, I barely even have the time to sleep, how to do volunteer work? But I know if I really had the heart, I would make time for it, in spite of my packed schedule. So... I've decided to follow my passion and volunteer my services for a cause that's close to my heart.
I could be J; the dog-walker, or J; the kennel keeper.
That is, if I'm wanted.
Anyway, this aside, I saw something in NTU today for the very first time in my life. My dream car. In reality... in pure metal, cruising down the road in front of me.
A sporty and beautiful, red GOLF GTI!!! (but the owner spoiled it's looks a bit by pasting all those stickers... racing car-wannabe)
Anyone wanna give me a ride in one?
[Time of Confession] 7:16 PM 1 Wisecracks for Me
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Beyond an aimless existence
Some people live for love. For some, the money they could make. Some, just out of routine - for the sake of living. And some who are simply living because they are not dead.
What gives you the will to get up in the morning? What is it that you look forward to in your waking moments?
Can man live without a purpose?
If not, I am therefore dead.
The yearning for something beyond the secular; something that fulfills.
A destiny.
[Time of Confession] 1:19 AM 4 Wisecracks for Me
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Let's take a look at what colour therapy says about my mood:
The idea of togetherness, love, warmth, tenderness and mutual understanding fascinates you but you seem to be embarrassed by the thought of allowing this to appear openly. --> well, much as I am quite the cynic, I do still hope to fall in love and live happily ever after, like everyone else.
It would appear that you employ a cautious exploratory tactic in the pursuit of this objective, making sure that you are neither irrevocably committed nor found out. -->hmm, quite explains why I tend to be really passive in this aspect I guess; hiding all the emotions.
You don't really give in. You follow your beliefs and ideals to the bitter end. You are the personification of stubbornness and whatever may transpire, right or wrong, you refuse to compromise or make concessions. -->oh yes, I'm quite a hard nut to crack... especially when it comes to making compromises with what I believe in
The situation at this time is one of considerable distress. You feel trapped and you are looking for some way out. You can find solace in the arms of someone who cares so long as there is no long-term emotional involvement. --> I am somewhat embarrassed to admit this.... but I don't know about the long-term involvement though. I do feel things should not be rushed into anyhow.
Your stress and anxiety are a result of an emotional disappointment. It could well be that the emotional relationship is no longer running smoothly and you have come to the end of your tether. --> maybe I'm just tired of being alone
On the one hand you would like to free yourself from this relationship altogether, yet on the other hand, you don't want to lose anything nor risk the uncertainty of throwing away something - something that's precious, something that could be the 'Real Thing'. --> no relationship to throw away. only my freedom...
Perhaps for the first time in your life you really don't know which way to go and it is these contradictory emotions that are causing you the untold stress. You are pretending to the world that you don't care but even this air of pretence is causing you much heartache. --> err... i don't think there's much choice regarding my options of 'where to go' in the first place
You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. --> this better be true
All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non-fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. --> yeah, i've been disappointed one time too many
But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes. --> but isn't it the fool who believes in the impossible too?
[Time of Confession] 1:47 AM 5 Wisecracks for Me
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Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Redman in the house
My footsteps are lighter and my mood is positively more upbeat.
Music does wonders. So does good company and ahem, some retail therapy.
Last night, Von and I went to listen to Joshua Redman at the Esplanade, together with Grace and Christian.
Here's my account of the evening's performance:
**Note: Please read the following at your own discretion. The contents are based solely on my personal opinion - no person should accuse me of slander, disparagement or any sort of misdeed. Please also exonerate my inadequate use of musical terminology, which I can only blame myself for not reading up more about the technicality of the subject - see I'm already apologetic, so no need to judge me here.
The Joshua Redman Elastic Band (or how he named the trio; sounds really impressionable ya? If I were to play in any group someday, we could call it J's Rubber Band or something. People surely remember the name) played a repertoire of what I'd consider avant-garde jazz.
A mixture of the classic jazz movements, world music (there was this part when some traditional Japanese music played in the background), and a whole load of sound effects that ranged from the swell: it made it seem like Redman was playing many saxophones simultaneously, to the 'huh?' effects with the 'tiu tiu tiu' sounds that reminded me vividly of Ross' composition of 'intergalactic sounds' on his keyboard (Friends fans will know what I'm talking about here).
Redman is really quite an amazing saxophonist. The consistency, the rich sounds and the solid control of the instrument. Very impressive. I was in awe when he did a slide up some really high notes; it sounded like his sound was going sharp initially, but the pitch just kept changing up the scale, and I realised he was actually doing it delibrately.
However, the guitarist paled in comparison to Redman's commanding stage presence. For one, he wasn't a pretty sight to look at. He had the 70's greasy, slicked back hair with two 'feelers' poking into his eyes. And when he played, he shaked his head non-stop as if he were high on ecstacy and kept giving a constipated look. Yikes.
His solos were less than inspiring - his undistinguished playing was made even more obvious when the saxophone and guitar had a 'conversation'; it almost seemed like Redman and his sax had to coax music out of the greasy-haired guy's guitar.
Given less credit than he deserved, I feel, is probably the drummer. I thought he played really well, given the abrupt changes in beats in the compositions. He set the pace and coordinated the different rhythms in the pieces, allowing the entry of the other instruments at the precise timings.
Anyhow, the 100 min or so passed by really quickly (there was no intermission) and at the end of the concert, it felt like I had walked into a museum of abstract art, saw some nice work but didn't quite understand them.
Then after the concert, Grace and I headed back to hall, but not before hitting some shops before they closed. I went on a partially sponsored shopping trip to Giordano with vouchers from my mum. It's the occasional treat I get. Unlike most other mums and daughters, my mum never takes me shopping, other than the fortnightly visit to the supermarket for groceries, that is. The only shopping incentives I ever get are gift vouchers and the extremely rare shopping with her credit card (happened only once and I seriously doubt it happening again).
Got a pair of capris from Giordano then headed to U.r.s. to get a pair of pretty shoes that I've been thinking about all weekend since I saw it.
Know what would make me feel even better, if I can finally get some sleep.
[Time of Confession] 1:40 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Tuesday, September 20, 2005
More arty shots HERE ; courtesy of TY's Canon
[Time of Confession] 8:56 AM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Monday, September 19, 2005
Prognosis
I watched Diana Ser on CNA for the series "What Women Want" and have an inkling on prognosis of my condition.
Quarter Life Crisis.
According to Urban Dictionary, it is characterizes by the following:
- Usually occurs sometime in your twenties - Personal crises brought on by entering adulthood - A time period of confusion, self doubt, and need for change during the first 25 years of one's life. - Start developing a more realistic outlook in life and start feeling that if they haven't accomplished certain things in life they thought they would by then - The realization that those dreams of happiness that sustained them through the teenage years will always remain fantasy - Respond to it by growing depressed
However, I must say that mine's definitely a premature case. For one, I'm not even 25 yet. Secondly, I'm still schooling and devoid of the other worries (like finding a job and dealing with real responsibilities) that the real 'patients' have.
It's ironic, isn't it? That being happy is so much more difficult than anything.
[Time of Confession] 4:16 PM 1 Wisecracks for Me
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
Happy Birthday Joel
One of the many pictures we took while at Timbre last night, celebrating Joel's (who is both my cousin and my ex-classmate) 21st birthday.
(Jane and I in the picture) Do we look like lesbian lovers? It's supposed to be an arty shot. Ah well, we need to improve on artistic direction while taking photos. We actually tried to get someone to do a sultry shot with a cherry (from my cocktail) but failed miserably. Too paiseh lah. So many friends looking on and laughing. Tsk. So unprofessional =P
I think I must have had too much to drink. My eyes look bloodshot even in black and white.
And I realised something. I look nicer in the dark. Because then, you won't be able to see me clearly.
I miss chilling out with friends.
It seems like donkey years since I last had a good time like that. But then again, the 'donkey years' isn't actually more than 365 days. More like a few months maybe?
It's been so long but I still haven't gotten over the bummer mood. Why?
Am I missing something?
I want to feel as cheery and positive like I used to.
Anyway, this acoustic duo, Soulitude, was playing and boy, did they make me feel like I miss Ublues more than ever. Meaning: I wasn't impressed. I think I was more entertained playing a drinking game with my friends.
A sudden urge to go pub crawling.
But no khaki. (I miss Lena....)
Lucky there's Joshua Redman and his elastic band this Tues. Got chance to chill.
Over.
[Time of Confession] 11:25 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Saturday, September 17, 2005
Nothing goes my way
Sometimes I wonder if I was born under some unlucky star.
Because I can never see the end of my string of bad luck. Super suay lah.
I don't understand why I'm so suay because....
1. I always have insect traumas in hall.
The first encounter was with a wasp nest right outside my room door when I was at Blk 47. Everyday I saw it grow larger but the hall office failed to come to my rescue promptly when I called up to beg them to get some pestbuster to save me from my increasing distress. Ultimately, my friend, only armed with a shuttlecock tube, came to my aid and removed the nest.
Then there was Xiaoqiang and his BIG friend, Daqiang. Xiaoqiang wasn't difficult to deal with: he fell into a pail a few days after I saw him disappear under my bed so I could easily throw him out. But his BIG friend was... really LARGE and freaky.
I returned to my room one late night after studying only to find Daqiang on *shriek* my BED.
I frantically tried to get it off but it ran towards and OVER my pillow *wahhhhhhhhhhh*
Then like Xiaoqiang, he disappeared.
Armed with Theresa's Baygon, I poked every single space under my bed but I still couldn't get Daqiang to come out. I had only one resort. I sprayed the entire area below my bed with so much Baygon, I almost passed out first.
Left my room to bathe and when I returned, still not sign of Daqiang.
Sprawled on the floor minutes later, determined to track down my enemy, I finally saw him at the extreme corner, weakly trying to climb up the wall. Wah, still don't die???!!! Baygon rained on him once again, and let's just say, my mission was accomplished.
Thought life would be better at Blk 45: maybe a turn of luck or something. But NO.
A bee once flew into my room, reducing me from my usually placid exterior to a screaming nutcase who had to get Tresa to save me.
Then more recently, this week, I realised that my room was invaded with an army of red ants from somewhere outside my room. And you know what, I did put an ant trap/poison outside my room when I first moved in, but the cleaning lady went to throw it away for me. Thankew hur...
Why meeeee...??? (for those doubting the cleanliness of my room, please note that I vacuum at least twice a week and mop the floor every week okay)
Then there was another when I was first to be interviewed but the interviewers were not ready and didn't have much questions to ask me. In fact, they almost seemed disinterested when I asked them questions instead. All in all, I took less than 10 minutes while others after me were in the room like forever.
Yesterday, I went for yet another interview. The stupid shuttle bus took so darn freaking long that I was left panting because I had to run all the way up the hill to the Student Services Centre. Instead of being 10 minutes early as I'd planned, I barely had the time to catch my breath before being told that it was my turn.
And then the interview sucked.
I was being asked questions like "Why did you only take 3 A level subjects?" and "Why was your GP grade so bad?"
What do I say? That, yes, it's one of the greatest regrets in my life that I dropped Physics in Year 2 (I do really regret it) because I thought I couldn't cope? And how the heck would I know why I dropped from an A to a C for my GP? Ask Cambridge lah! They marked my paper one wad.... grrrrrr....
I feel so suay.
Only when the day comes when money drops from the sky for me to go on a shopping spree will I be convinced that maybe all this bad luck will be worth it.
[Time of Confession] 10:54 AM 4 Wisecracks for Me
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Thursday, September 15, 2005
At K-box!
[Time of Confession] 8:50 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Acting pro only
[Time of Confession] 8:50 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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KTV: Lydia, the singing sensation!
[Time of Confession] 8:49 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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The best part of wakeboarding: enjoying the sea breeze on the boat!
[Time of Confession] 8:48 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Evidence of my gluttony
[Time of Confession] 8:47 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Post-Wakeboarding: Teochew porridge near my place
[Time of Confession] 8:46 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Jam&Hop
[Time of Confession] 8:44 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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1 (forget sesame street... learn to count with US!)
[Time of Confession] 8:44 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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2
[Time of Confession] 8:43 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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3
[Time of Confession] 8:43 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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4
[Time of Confession] 8:43 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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5
[Time of Confession] 8:42 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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6
[Time of Confession] 8:42 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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7
[Time of Confession] 8:42 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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[Time of Confession] 8:41 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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[Time of Confession] 8:41 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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[Time of Confession] 8:41 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Wednesday, September 14, 2005
No more honeymooning
I've been bumming and slacking for the past 7 days. Exactly.
Since last Wednesday, I haven't so much as flipped the pages of my notes.
Wednesday was winding down after my many tutorials. I went back home to enjoy some homely comfort, listen to my sister's adventures in Taiwan and write to my best friend.
Thursday, the bunch of us girls met up to celebrate Theresa's birthday. Ate like I was starved for the entire week. It was Sakae for dinner, then NYDC for the ever sinful but irresistable mudpies!
Two inches rounder, we returned to hall and chilled out a bit in the reading room. Not studying though... it was the annual Jam & Hop (read: the usual study area is transformed into some mock club with the booming music, disco lights and alcohol. the only eyesore is the whole panel of newpapers plastered across the glass doors).
Lydia, Tian and I were so bored (we did take some fun pictures but the flashes almost blinded us) we started doing something evil... we were observing and commenting on the people who were on the 'dance floor'. Erm... but I'll applaud them for their courage lah. I would never dance in the full view of so many familiar people. I bet they wouldn't want me to either. No one wants to look at a dancing chicken.
Headachy and exhausted from the long day, I skipped my morning lecture on Friday.
Went home yet again to slack somemore.
On Saturday, I pigged out yet again at Sakae. Was out the entire day walking around Harbourfront mall with my dad and sis. That's probably the only exercise I got the entire weekend, which zoomed by because I was visiting lala-land so often.
So Sunday was spent sleeping.
Finally on Monday, no more lazing around. I went wakeboarding with Mokkie, Lydia and their friend, Apple. We didn't get to wakeboard much because of time-constraints and I have definitely lost touch with the sport after so long. My sense of balance was deeply questionable; I could only manage to stay afloat for a considerably long time once.
More eating again too.
While on the boat, it was chips, Twisties and chocolate croissants. Someone please tell me wakeboarding burns alot of calories?
Then on Tuesday, went to K-box with Mokkie, Tian, Lydia and Lijing with my raspy voice (sore throat from all the chips). I realise I can sing Jay Chou's songs better with the bad throat. Not too good for songs with high notes though. Lots of squeaking noises and no words came out.
My holiday is going to end really soon and I have a pile of work to get started on.
No more bumming!!
[Time of Confession] 6:20 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Monday, September 12, 2005
Crawling
I feel terrible.
I've been sleeping so much I swear it's becoming a disease.
Despite the constant headaches and lethargy (I've clocked more than 10h of sleep the past few days), I just want to jump back into bed and enter dreamland every waking moment.
I think it's escapism.
I have no motivation whatsoever in my life. I dread having to pass each day so aimlessly... so I seek adventure and excitement in the REM of my sleep.
How pathetic is that?
Anyway, that's the reason why I haven't taken to blogging the past few days. I'm simply disinterested in everything.
Bleargh...
Now I'm forcing myself to crawl back to life and get on with the mountains of tasks waiting for me to conquer.
What's the point of living?
[Time of Confession] 8:08 PM 2 Wisecracks for Me
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Wednesday, September 07, 2005
The saying goes: There's always a mountain higher.
Our ministers are always complaining about our poor command of English (peppered with phrases of other languages and our distinctly Singaporean L and M-words), but trust me, we're really not THAT bad.
Today I had a lecture by a Japanese man who was, evidently, not very fluent in English. I remember quite clearly, how he failed to use tenses in his words. In particular, for the noun die.
This is what he said: "When you died (kill) the cells, there will no longer be a membrane potential.... so died cells will have no response to...."
And of course, there are some mispronounciations here and there, like how vision sounded like bee-shen.
Then I came across something FAR WORSE. This was what was printed behind the package of a handphone screen protector that my father bought from Taiwan:
Very is thin to have noto defend the dear degree of screen Lee long not harm the eye Bright vivid, colour change kaleidoscopically Pattern plentifulness England produces Three defend to guarantee
So how? Still think we Singaporeans English very poor? I don't think so lor...
[Time of Confession] 10:27 PM 5 Wisecracks for Me
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Monday, September 05, 2005
Maybe...
Experienced a bit of courtroom drama during the hall's AGM this evening. It's quite engaging to feel strongly about something and proving your point (not me lah... from a third party POV).
Maybe one day I should join the court-kaypohs-retirees to check out some court case and see how real lawyers present their cases and fight for their defendents' innocence. Macham TVB serial. But it'd be interesting... I believe there was a point of time in my life where I actually considered studying to be a lawyer law... alas, I had really sucky lousy GP grades. You get the idea. Besides, the prospects in Singapore aren't exactly enticing either.
Anyway, received something today that might spell something good coming along. That is, if my good luck decides to come back after abandoning me or so looonnnngggg...
Come back, pls?
[Time of Confession] 11:59 PM 3 Wisecracks for Me
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Sunday, September 04, 2005
Can I Have More?
I met up with Mokkie for a brunch since she was around my area and we started talking about our old school days and the experiences we had. She was asking me which did I prefer - my JC days or my secondary school days?
For her, it was easy to decide. She could tell me it was definitely her JC days. I, on the other hand, hesitated for a moment and decided that both were enjoyable in different aspects.
I've had my fair share of great buddies and good fun in both schools.
In Cedar, I wasn't that close to my classmates, other than my little clique of 4. Come to think of it, it's almost like how it is in uni now. But we were a closer knit in secondary school, of course.
We were younger then and shared many crazy and wild moments, something so rare in the friendships forged nowadays (for me, that is).
I'm really glad that I'm still in contact with this group of buddies: Von is like (quoted from a fellow uni school mate) my twin in school. Where you find her, I'll be around and vice versa. We share weal and woe in the ultra competitive SBS. She is super patient with me and we are like the dynamic duo - we work best with each other.
Lena's my lesbian lover (not!). Haha... she's really fun-loving and enjoyable to hang out with. She's like my psyche; she knows me inside-out. Even though we meet up only like once a year (cos she's faraway down under pursuing architecture), we never have an awkward moment of not knowing what to say. We just have the chemistry.
Then there's Peck Chin. Although she's always busy with her studies and all, we always make it a point to meet up together to catch up on each other's lives. Honestly, I am sometimes worried we'll lose touch once she starts working (which is really soon)...
The best experience in Cedar would have to be during the band days.
4 straight years with the same ol' bunch of friends. We worked hard together for competitions, concerts, performances; played hard together during camps and the overseas trips...
It was like a big family.
But it's really quite sad to think that I'm no longer in touch with any of my former section mates. We used to have so much fun together... the lame jokes and all (we girls really got quite crazy sometimes. i think i've never laughed so much in my life for 4 consecutive years) Sze Jia, Hui Si, Masrina, Siew Ling, Phyllis, Karen...
Then Mokkie reminded me, "At least you have the memories... isn't that enough?"
No, it's not. I want more than memories. I want friends for life.
I want to be able to talk and crap with the same bunch of people and laugh about the old times together.
I don't want to have to worry if we've changed, that it would be awkward to initiate something to rescue the lost contact.
I want back my friends who miss and cherish those days as much as I do.
But can I?
Fast forwarding to a more recent past. My JC mates.
Other than my best buddy, Grace, who is faraway in NZ, whom I'm in constant contact with (we meet up every time she comes back and she surprises me with occasional long distance phone calls), my other girl friends (whom we used to be really close) seem to be really occupied with their own lives and no longer make the time to do the things girl friends do.
Other than the special occasions like someone's birthday or some major class gathering, I don't hear from them at all.
It saddens me sometimes.
That things are not as they were. I seem to be losing my friends all over.
Is this part of life? Or is it just me?
[Time of Confession] 1:49 PM 3 Wisecracks for Me
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Friday, September 02, 2005
Stigma
Stig.ma (noun) a mark or token of infamy, disgrace, or reproach
There are many losers in this world; of which, there is one whom I am bursting to rebuke and eat out. I may be quick to judge based on the slight knowledge that I have access to, but I cannot hold it in anymore.
Tell me, what kind of person pulls someone down with him when he's in a deep rut? In metaphoric terms, this guy digs a deep trench, falls in and realises he's going to die (or maybe not because he could be thick or in denial)then calls his friend to join him down there. Hello, you dig your own grave then still want to ask people to die with you??! Loser.
Arghh.... it's so infuriating!! Although I'm not the one being dragged down, it's happening to a good friend of mine and I really don't wish for her to fall back into the dark hole she's been struggling to keep away from.
Dear Friend, I know you find it hard to turn him away because you treat him as your buddy. But I think of it this way: if he really considered you as one, he would respect your decision when you say 'No' to him.
Friends care for each other's well-being and don't push each other to do things that the other party is not willing to. Ultimately, the choice is yours alone. If you truly want to move away from this stigma, be strong and resolute. Don't let the people, who only claim to be your friends but yet make excuses upon excuses to get you influenced, sway you from what you really want.
Of course, if it is your choice (and yours alone, not because you feel obliged to) to join this friend in his 'hobby', I will, as your friend, respect your decision and not harp on this subject anymore.
It's your life. Don't let someone else make you throw it away ok? =)
[Time of Confession] 7:16 PM 2 Wisecracks for Me
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Thursday, September 01, 2005
Choke choke hem hem cough cough
Feeling a little worse today with the clogged nostrils and the insuppressible coughing. Stupid hot weather last night made me turn on the fan to high speed, hence the increased discomfort when I woke up: extremely dry and painful throat and a nose more stuffed than ever.
Did I complain already? I HATE BEING S.I.C.K.
I cannot smell the aroma of good food (I miss my favourite smell in the world... freshly baked bread), I can't eat the really yummy-looking cookies Von baked for us (not even one...??) and whatever food I actually CAN put into my mouth, I can barely taste.
Suddenly life looks so grey! (Without being able to eat junk food la...)
I think the saying "Forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest" makes so much sense.
For me, I don't usually binge on comfort food like chips and chocs (other than the occasional indulgence) and I'm a pretty health-conscious eater (kudos to my parents who have instilled the values of eating well and taking supplements). I love all healthy food - brown rice, wholemeal bread, potatoes, vege, fruits.... they make me feel good!
But now that I'm sickly and pallid and can only eat stuff like porridge and soup noodles, how I yearn for a can of Pringles Salt & Vinegar potato chips!
C'est la vie...
[Time of Confession] 11:50 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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