[C'EST MOI]
living paradox. individualist with anarchistic tendencies.
eludes eminence but appreciates subtle recognition.
capricious yet dependable. clandestine and unfathomable.
cynical realist who succumbs to the occasional idealism.
[J'AIME]
music. films. feasting & drinking. team sports.
good company; family, friends and those who share similar interests.
Maybe this is why I'd like to be a researcher. Despite the fact that I'd like to think of myself as a cooperative teamplayer, I almost loathe doing groupwork. Even my prof said it's a sign that I'm becoming more like a scientist. Right.
It's my need for speed and efficiency, the high expectations and the penchant for all things perfect. I get impatient when things are dwindling and in the wait, I get horribly snappy when I don't see others putting in much effort while I slog away. This is not a personal attack of any sort but an accumulated frustration. I know everyone in the groups I've been in have put in their best effort (I sincerely hope so) but it's just that sometimes the best that others give is just not good enough.
So, I prefer to work alone. Or maybe with a good friend. Like they say, "Two's company but three's a crowd." And I say, anything more than 3 is total chaos.
To me at least. Maybe I just being a bitchy complainer.
Bah humbug.
[Time of Confession] 1:24 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Friday, August 25, 2006
Theme
The theme was 'Midweek Chase The Blues Away'.
I got the food, K and G got the drinks, Channel 5 got Project Runway and Daniel V got all the cuteness.
Doing something like that once in a while is good because at least we all remember how to have a bit of fun and forget about the schoolwork for a while. For those few hours, we morph into carefree and jolly kids who watch tv, play computer games, crap and laugh alot.
Let the pictures do the talking...
Pizza and some booze Which is nicer? The wall pictures or his hair? We all know the correct answer, don't we? J & G in front of a wall of science... People, this is the mitochondria. The energy generating........ wait, I thought we said no schoolwork??!! Kenny, I know where you got this and I'm gonna tell! Wait, how come there's a missing pizza slice? Pizza thief... ... and the tattle tale! Chivas and Absolut The gang of 3 Attempting a tune Hey stop laughing at me! Wahh look so 'sey' from the back Err... should have just faced the back to the camera Look at his 'feelers'. A good impression of what Kenny would look like as Xiaoqiang 2 monkeys
[Time of Confession] 2:03 AM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Saturday, August 19, 2006
Weekend Tag Game
I should have stuck to minding my own business instead of poking my nose into my friends' blogs. Then I would be safe in my own ignorance coz I just found out that I've been tagged by David.
Since it's the weekend and I am seeking some time off from my work, here goes, 7 things you might not know about me:
(i) I have a secret crush on... no one. Seriously the only thing that has my attention is my work. How nice.
(ii) I have never really fallen in love. I always pull out before things get too deep. Maybe it's a self-defence mechanism, maybe just a fear of commitment.
(iii) I've always wished that I could be born a boy. Guys just have it better.
(iv) To clarify things if points ii and iii were misleading, I'm not lesbian.
(v) Aspiring to do research was only a recent calling. I remember saying when I first entered uni that I'll never dabble in research work. Looks like I'll have to eat my own words.
(vi) The furthest I've been out of Singapore is Down Under. Boohoo.
(vi) I used to have a secret dream to become a singer. Now, I can only croak.
(vii) I've always wanted to learn ballet when I was a kid but my mum refused to let me coz she said I would neglect my piano playing. Ended up, I never got to learn to dance and I quit piano halfway. Boo.
Next in line are: Jordie, Kenny, Fifi, Tresa, Chris, SK and TY.
Have fun folks!
[Time of Confession] 11:34 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Lyrical
The changing Of sunlight to moonlight Reflections of my life Oh how they fill my eyes The greetings Of people in trouble Reflections of my life Oh how they fill my eyes All my sorrows Sad tomorrows Take me back to my own home All my cryings Feel I'm dying, dying Take me back to my own home I'm changing, arranging I'm changing, I'm changing everything Oh, everything around me The world is a bad place A bad place, a terrible place to live Oh, but I don't wanna die All my sorrows Sad tomorrows Take me back to my own home All my cryings Feel I'm dying, dying Take me back to my own home All my sorrows Sad tomorrows Take me back to my own home All my cryings... Reflection of My Life - Marmalade
Getting hung up on my dad's old CDs and this oldie was particularly likeable with it's catchy melody. Then I saw the lyrics. If the songwriter really felt this way when he penned down the song, gosh, it must have been real terrible. Poor dude.
Seriously, why are some of the nicest songs those that sing of utter heartbreak and misery? Or is it just me having a penchant for such heart-wrenching tunes?
Anyhow, as long as the songs don't rub off any of the negativity on my mood, I'll be fine... it's going to be an exciting week ahead... lotsa deadlines, presentations and assignments to keep me moving along. And the best thing? I don't have to worry bout a thing because my Rock is rock solid. *woot*
[Time of Confession] 11:12 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Saturday, August 12, 2006
Revelation
Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the LORD shall be thy reward.
Isaiah 58:8
I think I may have the answer to my quandary.
[Time of Confession] 1:48 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Friday, August 11, 2006
No Gravity
One of the fundamental forces of nature. Described by Newton in terms of the masses of the objects experiencing the force and the distance of separation of the objects. Einstein described it as a distortion of space and time.
In simple words, gravity is the force that pulls you down and makes you feel like you're trapped (distortion of space) and pressed for time.
Isn't that just another word for pressure?
Unfortunately, stress, like gravity, is all part of nature. There's no hiding from it but what's vital is how it is dealt with. You can hide from it for some time but you'd eventually have to come back to Earth. Man can't live on the Moon forever.
Just rambling because I felt horribly cheated by the new silver staining kit that was supposed to give me pretty protein bands on my gel. Lousy cheater robbed me 8 hours of my time doing the whole procedure freaking twice, only to get nothing. Oh well, shit happens, even when you follow the protocol word for word. I just don't get how this doesn't work when it's supposed to. What went wrong?
Bleagh.
I should just try the DIY protocol instead.
[Time of Confession] 11:44 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Thursday, August 10, 2006
Q is for...
Q is for quack quack.
Q is for quandary.
I'm feeling somewhat like a lost duckling in a large pond.
Decision-making.
Force 180 students to do a fixed number and type of subjects for 3 years consecutively, then throw them into the deep end, making them choose 5 prescribed electives out of 8 shitty ones, and you get 180 very confused and squirrelly students who simply cannot make up their mind which modules are best (since all are equally bad anyhow).
These 180 students end up being horrifying kan chiong spiders who irritate the shit out of lecturers who then complain that we have too many unreasonable demands. Then the 180 students fuss back that the lecturers are vomiting an incredibly vast amount of research papers on us to read and digest, and the lecturers would reply that it's nothing compared to the regurgitation from us they've had to bear with the past 3 years of exams.
Sigh.
Why is it we have school again?
That's not the source of my quandary though. It's something else that is bugging me. So many factors to consider... I really need God's wisdom here.
We complain when we lack choices, we complain when we have choices to make.
Maybe we complain too much.
[Time of Confession] 9:01 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Third Home
If my first home's where my family is, and my second home is my cosy comfortable hostel room, my third home must be in the lab.
I'm not kidding.
I've been in the lab at least 5 days a week, every week for the past 3 months.
I live and I breathe lab aircon air, which is, by the way, very cold.
Not that I'm complaining.
I am really enjoying my time here, working on my FYP. Surely there are days when I just wish I could strangle my cells/ expts (not very possible, however) for not giving me the results I need, making me want to just plonk down at my table and whine all day.
But those days are rare and far in between. On most days I'm actually happy to come to lab to do what I have to do. Maybe it's the fact that I've got a great boss who's like a friend. Or maybe it's because my colleagues are super helpful and nice. Or maybe it's because I have good friends like QY, Kenny and Soakie around, ensuring that there's no dull moment through the day.
If this was a permanent job, I would have attained the impossible - 100% job satisfaction!
God is really graceful.
But now that school's started, my time in the lab is getting shorter and shorter. I'm going to sound pansy when I say I'll miss the people and working here when I graduate at the end of the year, but I do.
If only school was all research work and no lessons or exams.
Boo.
Just to lighten things up a little, here's a few shots at a recent dinner with some of my professors and labmates.
Location: By the riverside. Hideout: Cafe Iguana. Viva la Mexique~! Yafen, Me and Liu Yang; they're like my big sisters in lab. Soakie and Me (hey that rhymes) My professors. Pretty cool and hip for PhD holders. Cheesy Nachos Don't try this grilled err... DRIED chicken. But try this New York Steak... simply heavenly. Almost. More FOooD! And we got high on the margaritas.
[Time of Confession] 12:07 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Sunday, August 06, 2006
Eulogy for a Little One
The 6th of August, 2006, will be remembered as the day that a little one close to my heart passed on to be with the Lord.
20 months by any human standard would have been considered an extremely short time on earth, but to a little hamster, it's a great number of days.
It is with sadness that I was not able to spend the last days with Shasha. There are regrets but at least I know she is happy where she is now.
A place where there is no more fear; I will always remember how her timid little spirit made her hide away whenever I tried to play with her.
Shy as she may be, she had character.
If I were to persistently attempt to stroke her, she would sneak by my intrusive hands and plant a warning bite right on my fingers.
She was a bold little one in her own way.
She was strong. The squeaky wheel noises were the loudest from her cage.
Most importantly, she was loved.
She will always be a part of my family, no matter how insignificant her grandmother (aka my mum) thinks she is.
May she rest in eternal peace and may the Lord bless her little soul.
The good old times
[Time of Confession] 11:40 PM 1 Wisecracks for Me
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Saturday, August 05, 2006
Silent prayer
Other than the scratchy throat, a half blocked nose and a really weary mental state of mind, I'm doing well.
Not.
I'm tired. Tired of working. Tired of being tired.
It's just human nature to want to grab onto everything and make it work. But how can I overlook the fact that it's all in my Jesus' hands?
I came across this song on Grace's blog and it seemed so much like the tune of my inner spirit. I'm like this crazy cow, no, sheep, that's butting around aimlessly, baa-ing and desperate to find my green grass, without realising that my shepherd is right there, ever ready to carry me to where there is rest and food aplenty.
Dear Jesus, help me to let go of my problems, worries, woes and concerns. Take over the reigns. Teach me to trust in Your faithfulness and seek your righteousness above all things. You are my shepherd and I am your sheep. Guide me and carry me through this, Lord.
Amen.
[Time of Confession] 11:19 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Time flies...
The expression so commonly used when one feels that everything is happening too quickly.
Just wondering: so has anyone found out how many seconds it takes for those little pesky bugs to complete a 100m flight?
Pardon my lameness.
The past weekend/week/weeks/months have passed so quickly that it seemed like only yesterday that I finished my exams and started on my FYP.
It's been close to 3 months. 90 days. 2160 freaking hours. And guess what, school is going to start soon.
Bugger.
I've been caught up with moving the past week. Carrying stuff up and down 5 storeys left me with tiny blood clots and bruises on my arms. Menial work is abusive. Literally. But at least I am now back in my old and comfy room that's clean and neat with a shiny varnished floor. What's best is the toilets. They practically tore it down and rebuilt it. Oh how I love clean and nice toilets! Now shower time will be much more of a luxury.
Then on Sunday, I was invited to a McDonald's birthday party. Thank goodness it was tucked away comfortably somewhere I probably will never set foot in. The whole bunch of us were treated like little kids and were made to play silly games. We had to wash our hands TOGETHER before eating, and make our way to the toilet in a choochoo train (WITH the sound effect). Even dinner was kid-size.
And did I mention that the birthday girl is 23?
Lyd decided she wanted to relive her childhood days and we were all invited to join in the kiddy amusement. Honestly, embarrassing as it may be being called 'boys and girls' by someone plausibly much younger and being ordered to do silly things that we're supposed to look like we enjoy doing, it was all good because we had fun.
It's rather uncanny, isn't it, that it is actually possible to derive pleasure from acting all loopy and ditzy (that's how I think kids act anyway)? I guess we all have some void that can only be filled when you act like a child.
The photos will certainly be entertaining to view; I will upload them soon once I get them from the birthday girl and friends.
Meanwhile, it's all back to being grown-up.
[Time of Confession] 5:08 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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