Confessions of an Undisguised Drama Queen

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Someone Like...

You?

I watched this show at the theatres 4 years ago (i still remember it was after College day - me and my friends were sticky and had tangled hair because of some prank another classmate played on us; she dumped a whole container of sugar syrup on us. how sweet) and the main reason I wanted to watch it so badly was because of Hugh Jackman (oh yes. why else?). Watching it again tonight, I realise I still don't really get what this show's about.

Other than the fact that there were cows and humour, my mind's a blank. And the funny thing is, at the end of the show, I sighed and thought: What a nice, romantic show. What's nice, what's romantic about the show? I seriously don't know! It just gave me that "Awww..." feeling when it ended.

Maybe it's the humour. Maybe I laughed so much I lost my mind somewhere in between. Or maybe, I was so mesmerized by Hugh Jackman I started to have thoughts about him being Wolverine and saving me from evil Magneto.

Just look at him. Them, I mean. Don't they look sweet together? No? I might really have lost my mind. This freaky show just planted a hopeless romantic in me. Maybe one day I will find someone that will be able to look at me at my worst and tell me that I look beautiful (quoted from somewhere in the show). Oh Joy, snap out of it.

[Time of Confession] 12:58 AM
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Saturday, February 26, 2005

None the Closer

I just watched the above movie and I wasn't impressed. (Theresa gave her two cents worth saying, "The only nice thing about this show, is the song that they played in the beginning and the end"). In fact, I think the movie's tagline is better than its script. It says on the movie poster "If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking." How interesting. It could be a perfect excuse for cheating on your partner, if you ask me.

The show was bearable, given the A-list actors and actresses, a little clean humour (which wasn't that great) and alot of dirty humour. Overall, the show plainly degrades sex. It's true. And I pity the four beautiful people (okay, make that 3. i don't think clive owen is beautiful) whose lives are so messed up just because they can't bloody make up their minds who they want to be with. But I guess most of us are like that, aren't we? Just that we're probably not as extreme.

I wonder how Julia Roberts can look so incredibly gorgeous with such a large mouth. Seriously, look at Patricia Mok. It's amazing. She has this amazing beauty that just focuses your gaze right at her (i'm talking about Julia Roberts). And Jude Law, he's the total jerk and loser in the movie, but I can't help but love looking at his beautiful eyes (it takes the attention off his receeding hairline too). Natalie Portman I have no praises for. But I know she's the girl most guys go crazy over. And it helps that she's one smart-ass who's a soon-to-be Harvard graduate. Some people just have all the luck.

Talking about eye-candies, if I was going to watch a movie for good-looking people, I'd wait expectantly for "Monster-in-Law". No, I'm not eager to watch Jennifer Lopez and her million dollar insured rear, but it's her fiance in the movie I have my eyes on.

Tada! It's Michael Vartan!! The absolutely droolworthy French actor who stole my heart in Alias and Never Been Kissed - as the dream teacher who plays hockey. How come our teachers never looked this good? I mean, how come no one I know looks this good??

Me and my hard luck.

[Time of Confession] 1:24 AM
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Thursday, February 24, 2005

Mini-Mum

Birth order does really affect a child.

The oldest child is most likely a responsible, generous and protective person. Quite like my older brother. He's forgiving and big-hearted.

Then there's the youngest child. Who will probably be pampered, spoilt, demanding (if the kid turns out bad), or very plainly, loved and welcomes all positive attention.

And of course, there'll be the middle child, who they say, have the worst of both worlds and none of the good things that come with being the oldest or the youngest. That would be me. (and my younger brother too, but he has his privileges being my mother's favourite, so i say, i'm the REAL middle child).

So, what's my point?

Being in a big family with 4 kids and large age differences, I have come to realise an emerging truth. I'm becoming a mini-mum.

My little sister came home today with this booklet I'd once read and re-read millions of times when I was her age (that would be 9 years ago) and read it out aloud to me. "Growing Up and Puberty". I looked up from my magazine in surprise and for a moment was at a loss.

I've realised that my sister is paying more attention to her appearance and is growing taller by the day (with the depressing fact that she will be taller than me one day) but it has not occurred to me that she is about to become a young woman! My little girl is growing up!

There have been times when I took her out on shopping trips and was mistaken for her aunt or worse, her mother, but fortunately, those were rare occasions and most likely because that old lady could not see how young I actually am through her failing eyesight.

I really do think that my sister is one lucky kid to have an older sister who's gone through all the helluva changes she is about to experience. All the physical, emotional and social changes. Going to a new school. Experiencing mood swings (oh no....). BOYS. And other stuff.

She'll have someone to talk to about the things she's feeling. About why some things happen and why some don't. She'll have the best beauty tips and the "Top 5 Ways to Fight that Pimple" - from my own trial and error. She'll have an in-house fashion consultant; she'll even have a personal make-up artist for her graduation ball. She'll have 2 mums.

I never had those growing up. But if things were different for me 9 years ago, I'd probably be a totally different person. There will no longer be a drama-mini-mama.

[Time of Confession] 12:15 AM
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Wednesday, February 23, 2005

M.I.A

While I was missing-in-action and did not update my blog, I was constantly haunted by thoughts that there would be people devastated with nothing to read. Of course, that would only be thinking too highly of myself. But I'd like to imagine (if really not true) that I'm some celebrity writer with people that just love reading my 'works'. Think Sophie Kinsella and her Shopaholic series.

Okay back to reality.

I haven't logged onto the internet for only a few days and my mailbox is filling up with loads of mail - mostly junk, but also other emails that require my attention. They are damn asking alot from someone who is known to have a very short attention span. Will have to sit myself through each one and make sure I reply.

Mundane things aside, today's the day another friend of mine crosses the line to adulthood. I will be one of the last left in the Pre-Adult Camp, but I'm not really complaining. Being 21 doesn't make much of a big deal as yet - other than being able to watch R21 movies, which are really not that much to miss. I think the real deal comes when we graduate, step out of our comfort zones, into the working world, paying the bills and loans.... THAT, is what I call adulthood.

So yesterday was a quiet affair with Evon and Peck Chin, a small meet up to celebrate Evon's birthday. Initially planned to watch Ray with Evon but Peck Chin wasn't keen so we ended up watching 'A Very Long Engagement'.

Bad move. It was a depressing and sadistic show to watch on an eve of a birthday. The brutality of war and the ugliness of military corruption. Even the ending was bittersweet. I didn't know whether to cry or be happy for the heroine, Mathilde (Audrey Tatou), who was obsessed with finding her fiance, a condemned soldier believed to have been killed in the war.

This show only made me want to watch Ray even more. The biopic caught my attention even before the never-ending praises and accolades for the movie and its lead, Jamie Foxx, were on the newspapers. A short clip of the movie was shown when I went to watch a movie last Dec - Ray Charles (Jamie Foxx) sitting at the piano playing 'Georgia' - made my hair stand (in a good way. the bad one makes your hair stand and cringe at the same time) and I have been waiting expectantly for it. And here it is! I'm not going to miss this movie!

Dinner was at Olio at Wheelock and I really like the place. It's a tasteful restaurant with a nice ambience. Of course, the price is higher than the regular mid-range restaurants. But if you're willing to spend on a good meal, try their Grilled Seabass Fillet (S$24.90++ a la carte). It's mouthwatering...

Drooling yet??

Me & the Birthday Girl. Only thing missing is the cake!

Anyone want to give me a treat there? I'll gladly oblige.

[Time of Confession] 12:59 PM
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Sunday, February 20, 2005

Sniffles

I was so wrong. I wasn't even near the road to recovery. Not only has the cold gotten worse, I feel so weak I have to keep a 50m radius from my bed. Any further, I would have to summon a vast amount of internal energy which may be harmful to my recovery. So, for the whole of today, I lay myself on the couch and stayed there. You can say that the day has been the most uneventful.

I really hate the weather. It's killing every single blade of grass and it's killing me. Yesterday I was driven to exasperation with boredom so I took a trip to Bishan Junction 8 to visit the bank and to do some window shopping. Not as if the blazing sun was bad enough. There were hoards of screaming fans behind a barricade in front of a make-shift stage . They were there to see the floppy-haired, badboy of F4, Ken Chu.

I wanted to roll my eyes but then a little voice in my head reminded me I was once a pop-star crazed fan. Believe it or not, I was actually one of the little excited fans who were queueing hours after hours to get Vic Chou's autograph for his first album. I was smitten by his boyish good looks and aloof demeanour in Meteor Garden. Well, what can I say, I was going through a growing up phase. And I still have that signed album. Maybe I should attempt to auction it off to some crazy fan of his and make myself some money.

Anyway, F4 aside, I walked on and spotted a tiny queue in the middle of Delifrance and another eatery and I was wondering what these girls were up to. Then I passed the front of the queue and saw "Q here for Taufik's Autograph Session at 6.00pm". Although I felt sad for Taufik that his fan base seemed so humble compared to the Taiwan singer, I didn't want to take any chances. For all I knew there could be a whole crowd of them yet to arrive. I had to get out of the place before I broke out into my claustraphobic hysteria.

That trip did little to satisfy my boredom so I resorted to rotting in front of the google box. I was tapping my feet as I watched "Shall We Dance" - I felt it was a light-hearted and funny show with a moving story. I like especially this scene where Beverly (Susan Sarandon) was talking to a P.I she hired because she suspected her husband was having an affair.

Beverly: Do you know why people get married?
PI: Passion?
Beverly: No. Because we need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything: the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things. All of it, all the time, everyday. You're saying - your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.

That's some food for thought...

[Time of Confession] 9:40 PM
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Friday, February 18, 2005

Pollyanna

Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself home to you

And you may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow

No, that's not the name of the song. It's not even a name. Well, not quite. Rather, it's me at this moment now. Pollyanna - a person regarded as being foolishly or blindly optimistic.

This is rather inconsistent with my usual moody and grim self but the reasons for my upbeatness are aplenty. For one, it's a Friday, which means it's the end of the school week, which means I get to go home, which also means I don't have to go to face school for the next whole WEEK!

I love holidays!!

Ok, I know it won't be much of a holiday anyway because it's more of a study break but at least I get breaks from studying too!

And with a song like "Sunday Morning" playing on my laptop, I have no room to feel gloomy. Which is why it's on repeat mode and which is why I am smiling to myself now.

Oh, not to forget, although I'm down with a horrible sore throat, blocked nose and ears and just recovered from a fever, I feel I'm on my way to a speedy recovery. Or at least, I am doing everything I can to make myself well - vitamin C, lotsa fluid, lotsa fruits and NO SNACKING. I'm so proud of myself. All I've eaten today is porridge. Ten points to me for being a good girl. Another ten points for cleaning out my hamsters' cages and vacuuming my room today. No, make that twenty.

So that's 30 points for Pollyanna-Joy!

Anyway, before I get carried away with my foolish sanguinity, I'd better get down to some work to earn more points. Hee...

[Time of Confession] 7:53 PM
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Small Eyes

[Time of Confession] 2:13 AM
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My Medal!

[Time of Confession] 2:11 AM
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Recurring Stigma

It is a recurring stigma that will haunt me for the next 2 or so months. Everytime I flip open "Immunobiology by Charles A Janeway et al", I cringe and an unsuppressible urge to scream just overwhelms me. Why? Yes, I admit I dislike having to study when I could be doing something less mentally draining (like complete watching season 4 of FRIENDS) but this is not the reason for my irritability.

When I open the book, I see lines and lines of pencil marks and highlighted words.

And they were not made by me.

Okay I admit I'm a neat freak most of the times. And I like all my things nice and clean. Which was why I was very unwilling to get a 2nd hand textbook. But I still did, with the intention to cut costs. Well, according to the owner (apparently not very honest!), there are only a FEW blemishes in the book. Other than a FEW underlining and highlighting, the book is almost as good as new. Either she's a total liar or she needs a vocabulary refresher course on what the word FEW means.

It is also partly my fault for not checking the book more thoroughly but I was tied for time then.
Anyway, so now whenever I refer to the textbook to do my tutorials and such, I will be faithfully equipped with an eraser to remove as many lines as I can. The result, my table is covered with eraser shavings and my book is only slightly cleaner. I am not appeased. This sounds crazy, I know, but this is what they call a character flaw, I guess. Which is why I feel that I'm really quite like Monica in FRIENDS. I can totally relate to her demands for everything to be clean and organised.

Another character flaw of mine that shows through this sickening textbook stigma is my hopelessness in bargaining - I got it for more than 50% of the original price, which, according to one friend, is exorbitant. This flaw is something that exasperates even my best friend, especially once when we went holidaying in Thailand. My inability to deflate prices is apparently a horrific trait - I could have gotten that $12 shorts for only $6 or I could have saved $5 on that
bag etc. etc.

I have no idea why, but I just suck at lowering prices. Could be that I think it's unclassy to be bargaining (don't want to look like an aunty from the market) or I simply don't know how to be coy and whiny. I'm the shopowner's dream come true. I find something I like, I seek out the price, if I can afford it, I buy it. If I can't, I walk away. Simple as that. Not a very wise move according to my friends. Any one offering a crash course on effective bargaining without looking unglamourous?

[Time of Confession] 10:41 PM
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Monday, February 14, 2005

i will survive

The never-ending giggles, the irritating bobbing heart-shaped balloons that were blocking my view of the lecture slides , the daunting realisation that it is the widely-celebrated St. Valentine's Day.

Well, I'm proud of myself for not scowling at every single person carrying a flower or balloon (i just don't get whatever are they going to do with those??) and am seriously happy for those who take delight in celebrating this so called day of romance (blablabla.... sorry. i just can't help it). Still, I maintain my stand in not advocating this occasion. Period.

I wasn't supposed to be in hall tonight. I was supposed to be at the airport sending my best friend off to NZ, but I couldn't make it down in time and I'm extremely disappointed and regretful that I wasn't there to say goodbye and give her a big hug before she left. Goodbyes over the telephones are one of the things I really don't like. It makes you feel like you're so near yet so far from the other party. I hope I won't have to do this again.

Anyway, I'm grateful that I had some nice company over tonight. Tresa and Theresa came over to watch Desperate Housewives together with me and it was fun to hang out with them again. As always, we couldn't help but gush over how pretty the adultress Gabrielle is! She's like THE BABE. The plot is thickening and the secrets are so intriguing I can't wait for next monday to come!

Now it's time to get grooving. The grammys are on tv and I'm going to start 'star-gazing'....

[Time of Confession] 11:09 PM
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Saturday, February 12, 2005

Addiction

The realization is creeping up on me - I think I'm addicted to blogging.

Everyday, I get back home, I take my bath, I plonk myself in front of the laptop and type away.

Okay, maybe not everyday. But I do this at least every other day. It's like therapy. It sort of fills the excess void in my life that my girl pals and tv can't. Am now wondering if this is a good or bad thing. Hmm...

Now I'm just waiting for my mask to dry while I recall the day's events.

Met up with Quin for some shopping and catching up this afternoon (for those who are still in a world of their own, the island-wide sale has hit town already) and I got this chic black top from Chomel (50% off!!) but I'm pondering when I will actually get to wear it. Probably when I hit some club someday, but that's doubtful cos I've seriously lost the interest in clubbing. Laidback chilling out in t-shirt and jeans I welcome with open arms but squeezing in a dancing crowd with thumping music: count me out. Anyway, back to the top. Hopefully will get a chance to don it at some semi-formal event. Do I hear wedding bells?

You know it's really weird - the phrase "Speak of the devil" is so freakingly true. It seems to happen all the time. Most of the time. Quin was just asking me how things were with him (i haven't seen her in a while so she's not really up to date with the current status of things) and I told her that we haven't really been in touch much. Then, strangely, I bumped into him on our way to Shaw and coincidently he was heading there too. It's the 2nd time this week this happened. Just on Friday, Evon was asking me the same thing and guess who I saw later during lunch. Ditto.

It feels different talking to him now. I guess my attitude's changed after so many months. It felt so right the last time - we have so much in common and I definitely felt chemistry (something that is so, so difficult to find nowadays). Yet, things never turned out the way I hoped then. I guess the timing's not right (everyone else believes so) and we're probably at the points in our lives where we're pursuing different ideals. My life goes on but sometimes I still stop and think how it would be if things happened the other way? Would I be a happier person? I suppose I will never find out.

[Time of Confession] 10:53 PM
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Friday, February 11, 2005

Zombied

I'm totally zombied. Zoned out. Rest deprived.

My eyes are so tired from carrying ten tons of weight each. And I think I'm losing control of my muscles. The crazy muscle in my left arm keeps twitching. Non-stop. Maybe it's crying out for a game of squash so that I will just kill it with fatigue and it will stop its twitching.

As I described, the first day of the lunar new year was good. Sadly, all goodness died down less than 24 hours later. Not really keen on the details so... anyway my point is, you can't have too much of a good thing. Even if you wanted it. C'est la vie.

Had a long lunch chat with Evon today and we were suddenly on the topic - if there was one thing in life you could wish for, anything at all (but no playing cheat and saying you want a gazillion wishes. that's not counted!), what would you wish for? We both wished for the same thing. Cold, hard cash.

Some may respond saying that we're materialistic blablabla... but seriously, I think that's the most practical thing to wish for, no?

Some people want health, true love, happiness etc etc. - things that supposedly make life all the more worth living, but to me, each of these are not quantifiable and because of that, you'll never even know even if your wish did come true.

How healthy will you be when you're granted health? Won't catch a flu bug ever? Betcha you won't notice that you haven't fallen sick in the past year. You'll probably think it's just because you've been popping the right vitamins and exercising regularly.

True love. Can you even define true love in the first place?? No? Then how would you know you have it even when it's right in your face?

Happiness. Another thing you cannot quantify. So, how happy? Crazy happy? Happy all the time? If so, your wish will only make you less human because to be human is to be able to feel sorrow and grief - then only you will appreciate and understand the value of joy.

It's true that money can't buy you happiness, but having a substantial amount of it will definitely make life alot easier. So, like Jerry Maguire said, "Show me the moneeeyyyyyyy...."

[Time of Confession] 6:02 PM
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Thursday, February 10, 2005

Good start

I tell you, this Lunar New Year started on the right foot. Except for the fact that the ang pow collection wasn't that fancy (not that it matters much to me... seriously, i don't enjoy cny because of the money. i just take that as an added bonus), everything else was really pleasant. And the part when I saw Keanu Reeves? Perfect.

Oh okay. I saw him on the big screen battling demons and devils as the oh-so-brooding-sexy Constantine. And really, are the newpapers reporting the right thing? Are they sure he's 40? Cos he sure doesn't look it.

Anyway, this movie is certainly worthy of the 4 out of 5 stars it was rated with (not just because of Keanu, please, i'm not THAT bimbotic) - alot of action, supernatural content and an exciting dark plot. But of course, some people might not like the idea that the movie actually deals with the God and Satan, heaven and hell issue, so, I'd say, watch it with a pinch of salt. For one, it is based on a comic book. Can't take everything for real.

It's been great - hanging out with my cousins and aunt for the movie. And after a really good dinner (with the constant hand, mouth thingy again), I'm sitting in my room with my best cousin, watching our fave show of all times (and we all know it's FRIENDS!). Ok, breaktime's over. Back to the show!

[Time of Confession] 1:52 AM
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Tuesday, February 08, 2005

The Attack of the Phone

Camera phone pictures (can easily tell from the poor resolution)!

My best friend and I!

[Time of Confession] 10:49 PM
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Festive Fatness

There's another 5.5 hours to the first day of the Lunar New Year but I'm already feeling the festive bulge slowly emerging from somewhere deep within. Woe be unto me if I do not start to watch those hands of mine. Apparently the constant reaching out to something edible and the subsequent retrieving it to deposit into my mouth is hazardous to my emotional health when I stand on the scales.

The early reunion dinner I had on Sunday was dangerous. Almost life-threatening. For one, it was immediately after the class pizza pigout the night before. Moreover, the delight of eating with the whole family (which only happens this once every single year i assure you) sort of intoxicated me (even before the wine) and that hand movement thing went out of control. Food, mouth. Food, mouth. I fear this is a new disease - the hand, food and mouth disease.

And of course, there was sorrow in the midst of joy. When everyone was savouring the appetizing shark's fin, I could only watch on and collect my drool on the empty bowl in front of me. For the benefit for those who don't already know, I'm allergic to shark's fin. OF ALL THINGS!!! You have cat's fur, dust, grass, whatever, but SHARK'S FIN! (and to rub it in, bird's nest too... boohoo...)

Maybe I was a shark in my previous life so that's why I can't eat my own kind... you know, chinese beliefs or something. But at least I got to enjoy it for the first 8 years of my life before the allergy set in. And the only other advantage I can think of is that I'll probably save a bomb at my wedding dinner. There'll be no shark's fin served. Why? If I can't have it, no one else can! Muahahaha!

And since we're at the topic of food, I would like to proudly proclaim that I can prepare a good serving of fried rice - not just edible but it's actually yummy. Just cooked a super large portion for dinner and I must admit - frying rice is a good arm exercise. Having to mix such a large portion of rice continuously, requires a hell lot of arm strength! Okay, before I'm accused of being arrogant and cocky because of my culinary talent, I'd better stop praising myself.

[Time of Confession] 6:34 PM
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Monday, February 07, 2005

Chinese New Year Eve-Eve

It's officially the eve of the eve of Chinese New Year!

Okay that's pretty lame but for once I seriously feel the mood of the festive season. How's that? Two simple reasons - I have absolutely no mood whatsoever to do work or study; I can't stop munching on the new year goodies (that's about the only thing I like about CNY. it's actually one of my least favourite holidays. probably the only other good thing about CNY is that we get 2.5 days of holiday... whee)

I have a feeling I'm going to be in some kind of shit tomorrow. Got this make-up tutorial in the afternoon and I haven't so much as taken a look at it. Dammit... school is such a spoiler when it comes to occasions like these. I want my holiday!

Better try to get some of it done so it won't look so bad on me if I am picked to answer the questions in class (*crossing my fingers* hope i won't be so suay!!!). Need to make some super strong concoction to keep me awake on this cool night....

PS: It's official. Jen and Brad split. Oops. I mean Jen and Sean. They're now living apart. Poor lonely souls.

[Time of Confession] 12:00 AM
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Sunday, February 06, 2005

More to Come

Here's a glimpse of some of the pictures taken last night.There'll be more to come - that is, when I have the time and patience to upload the whole bulk onto fotopic... which will be soon, hopefully!

Mini Pool

The gang

Magic

POOT

[Time of Confession] 5:05 PM
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Memories

The location of our hideout has changed - it moved eastwards to Jane's place; but some things never change - like the people who turn up. It's still the same bunch of us - crazy, wacky and out to have fun.

Even the things we do rarely vary. We usually congregate around food, drinks, tv and games. In fact, we tend to eat so much that I usually prepare myself for the big pigout by 'fasting' beforehand so I won't overload the calories and wake up the next morning with a double chin!! But I must say that tonight, we've done a whole lot of stuff that will take us through another 6 months before we meet up again.

As always, there are drinking games - the forfeit entails drinking a shot of vodka (which is a terror to me because vodka gives me the runs) - undiluted, mind you! I am really amazed at the games we come up with so that the alcohol forfeit can be imposed on as many people as possible (this is especially to Vincent's glee. He is one sadistic guy who takes pleasure in sabo-ing poor girls like Luyi and Phyllis!!).

There's that finger game that tests your reflexes, the 'poot' goggles game which had poor Phyllis sandwiched between Vincent and Soon Kok (my favourite game of them all cos it's so fun watching people getting confused with the 'poots') and the infamous Zhong Ji Mi Ma.

There was pool - played right there in the living room; having an early Yu Sheng for CNY; and being kids once again playing with coloured sparklers. But the highlight of the evening was when Teng Yong showed us this video clip he created from the photos and videos of our many class events and gatherings. It was so melodramatic with the Kenny G background music and the opening black and white class picture we took in TJ, it felt as if we were 60 year old people looking back on our younger days. Jokes aside, it was a really sweet gesture and there was nothing more significant this evening than reminiscing our JC days together.

Class of 16, Year 2001

The 'aftertaste' was bittersweet for me. Warmed by the affection and closeness we have with each other even 3 years after graduation but at the same time peeved because of knowing that some of my very good friends are leaving for NZ and Down Under very soon.

But I'm hopeful. We made it past these 3 years, we will continue to keep this going in the months and years to come!

Like the good old days...

Some last words to my dear friends...

To darling Gracey: BIG BIG thank you for being such a wonderful friend and companion! And so so nice to always give us a lift home after the late night gatherings. I will be spending Valentine's with you again this year! At Changi Airport =(

To Liren: I know you'll be reading this! You are one of my faithful readers who simply refuses to tag me on my tagboard! (haha no escape for you now. you better leave me a nice msg on my tagboard *grin*) You've been a great, great friend and I will miss talking and complaining to you about my sucky uni life... I'll see you on MSN when you get to UWA k... and when you come back we will wash test-tubes together. How endearing...

To Mingde: Study hard, Dr Teh-to-be! (okay sounds a bit awful... but fret not - in another 6 years it will just be Dr. Teh!) So next time consultation fees will be waived?? *wink* Take care dude...

[Time of Confession] 1:03 AM
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Friday, February 04, 2005

Gnawing

It finally rained after like a million years of blazing sunshine. Actually it was more like a short drizzle. Pity it wasn't the heavy downpour/ thunderstorm I was pining for so I can cuddle in bed under the warm covers and feel fortunate that I'm dry and comfy. Anyway, the pathetic drizzle has stopped and now it's not only hot, it's damn humid.

The weekend is here again (an exclamation mark at the end would have been more appropriate, but honestly, I'm not quite in the 'exclaiming' mood); Jen and Sean are still not talking (if you know what I mean); I'm feeling desperately lonely now; And a tad depressed (would be very depressed if not for the fact that today's payday).

That pretty much sums up what I've got to share. Other than that irritating gnawing feeling because of something I read somewhere. About someone and someone else. I think it's jealousy. Maybe envy. Or is it doubt? Or confusion? Man, I am seriously driving myself crazy. Talk about digging one's own grave.

Am now wearing a forced smile on my face. Read from somewhere that if you force yourself to smile even when you're not happy, you'll actually feel better. Apparently not. That just makes my cheeks sore.

On a serious note, why do I suffer from such inapparent moodswings? Is this *gasp* manic depression or *double gasp* schizophrenia??

Somebody, somewhere, please do something - save me........ (note: this is a general statement. not related to the 'someone and someone else' mentioned above)

[Time of Confession] 7:14 PM
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Tuesday, February 01, 2005

A Sad Love Story

They were the best of friends who did practically everything together. They played together, went to school together, hung out together and practically lived together, well, almost - they were neighbours. Jen and Sean were inseparable. One would think that their friendship was beyond a platonic relationship. They were either going to end up being as close as a brother and sister or they would end up as soulmates. Their future together was hopeful and bright.

But as time passed, they grew up and left their childhood behind as they reached adult maturity. Jen, by now, was a beautiful young lady who had great hopes of how her prince charming would turn out. He would have to be tall, handsome, smart.... but Sean, on the other hand, already knew who he wanted to be his princess. And there could only be one person, Jen.

He tried to hint to her how he felt about her but her actions showed nonchalance. Could she not understand what he felt or was she delibrately avoiding his subtle confession? He was heartbroken. What made him feel worse was that as his actions came on stronger, Jen resisted with increasing intensity. In fact she sometimes showed violent inclinations toward her once best friend.

The day Sean finally declared openly his feelings for Jen, she screamed at him for spoiling their friendship with his callousness and threw the closest thing she could get her hands on at him. It left him completely shattered - both emotionally and physically. They hardly talked thereafter...

Sad right? For your information, this is not based on a real story. Well, not quite. I actually wrote this with inspiration from my hamsters (haha!).

They were the sweetest pair of hamsters I swear I've ever seen. But now they're fighting and fighting. And more fighting. I suspect that my younger hamster is actually male (I spotted a little birdie down there!) and it's reaching sexual maturity. The older female probably senses the change in the younger one (and is probably angry: What?? You're not female??!!! How could you??? I thought we were SISTERS!!) and refuses to accept the fact that he's male.

Evon told me that the female hamsters don't like to mate with the younger male hamsters (very unlike humans... look at Demi Moore) and from what I see, everytime Shasha (the male, i seriously need to get him a new name. suggestions??) approaches JJ, JJ starts to attack him and they start fighting.

A case of domestic violence.

I really hope this is just a phase and the two of them will just get over it and grow up. Kids...

[Time of Confession] 11:02 PM
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Monster Cookie

I missed school today. Not miss as in yearn, but as in not attend. I guess the lack of rest for the past weeks has finally taken its toll on me. Not to mention the heatiness and the crazy weather. And probably, my aunty scarlet has to take some blame as well.

I was kept awake all night with a scratchy throat and insomnia set in while I felt increasingly feverish. By the time it was morning, I barely slept for two hours. Yet I was immobile in bed. Simply unable to even roll out. So I decided to declare a holiday for myself. To get my deserved sleep and to avoid the stress of having to face my schoolwork.

Who was I trying to kid?

By the time it was noon, I was out of bed and was buried under a pile of untouched assignments and reports. And hearing from my classmate the things I missed at school today, the stress level could only go up. So much for a 'holiday'.

Well, now I'm back in hall and I'm missing the comfort of my home - the smell of my mother's new year cookies in the oven, my sis' non-stop chatter and company. Sometimes I wonder why I'm putting myself through so much struggle. What am I going to get out of all this? A pathetic science degree so I can wash test-tubes for the rest of my life? This is not what I'd meant to do, ever.

For now, I hope I get well soon so I can work my way into the boxes of home-made almond cookies and pineapple tarts... Mmmmm..... one of the few things I actually like about Chinese New Year!

[Time of Confession] 1:04 AM
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