Confessions of an Undisguised Drama Queen

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Let the good times roll

It seems like I've been awake and on the go for the past 50 hours.

After 2 late nights cramming like mad for my final Bioinformatics paper and a gruelling 2.5 hours yawning through the paper (because i was sooo tired. not because i was bored), I was on my way to pleasure and enjoyment.

The four of us (L-R: Audrey-Ann, Me, Yvonne and Grace) finally got our pictures taken. We were saying how we are always so busy with schoolwork and everything else, we never get to take much pictures like when we were in our first year. The memories of our days at NIE...

Anyway, it's nice to finally have our own school building. I'm actually quite proud of it! See so pretty - with fountain somemore! (though it looks a bit greenish....)

And check out the food at our cafe:

Suddenly I feel so blessed - after days of eating yucky canteen A food or not eating altogether, finally there's something appetizing on my plate. And this is just the beginning....

You know why we're grinning so widely

After trying to get some afternoon shut-eye (but failed miserably), my studying buddy, Grace and I, functioning dangerously on very little sleep, headed to town for a mini-celebration after toiling hard for the past 21 days.

We went to Raffles City and I was pleasantly surprised that the renovation works have been completed - they now have a mini-shopping haven right there in the station.

Shopping, shopping, shopping....

and I got myself a pretty dress. For $15.

Wahahaha.... and I thought things couldn't get any better!

Like that HK commercial, shopping must go hand-in-hand with eating (yet again!) so we headed down to where Grace used to work to try her favourite Fish Dumpling Hor Fun. Fish Dumpling??!! There are meat dumplings and vegetable dumplings or something, but I've never heard of fish dumplings!

Or maybe I'm just plain sua-ku.

Then as the night beckoned, our tiredness slowly took the backseat as the excitement of Boat Quay's nightlife set in.

I don't look that tired anymore right?

Blue Note was unfortunately fully packed when we arrived. The band hadn't even started playing... just doing their sound check. Even the counter seats were occupied. Sadly, we walked away and I decided to show Grace to Hideout for some nice cocktail and chillout lounge music.

Just one glass of Lychee Lime and I'm red in the face already. But it tastes so nice and sweet you don't even know you're drinking alcohol until you start feeling the heat. Making ourselves comfy at the couches there, we hung out and talked and almost fell asleep. Until the DJ decided to put on house music. We picked up the bill and ran for our lives.

So we still ended up at Blue Note after all.

Lucky the second time round, we got a whole table to ourselves and I finally got my glass of beer.

I wonder why the place's called BLUE note. I thought they were supposed to be a blues pub, with bands playing the blues.... but what we got was jazz and more jazz. Jazz is fine really, but when you have a poser saxaphonist who tries too hard to look emotional while playing, it just puts you off. I guess the only consolation is that the guitarist is worth a second look.

Then towards the end of their last set, they attempted a blues number - "Mustang Sally". All I can say is.....

TREVOR, I MISS YOU.....

Seriously. I can't seem to find any other band that can do blues as well as the Universal Blues Band. Nor anyone who can sing the way Trevor does. That deep, rich, moving voice. Sigh...

Anyway, Grace and I were busy entertaining ourselves by taking pictures of ourselves. It's always a challenge to take a self-portrait. Either someone's face gets cut off or the person taking the picture simply forgets to smile. So we ended up taking picture after picture, determined to get a nice shot of ourselves, and ended up with many more silly looking pictures like this,

which Grace so wanted to delete but I refused to because I thought they looked really funny and are worth keeping for the memories - to laugh over.

After indulging yet again in FOOD (prata with terrific curry. spicy and shiok!), it was time to head back to hall. And guess what we had waiting to send us back? A horse carriage? Almost! A Merc cab was waiting right there for us!

Wah I seriously felt like some superstar...

Excited little girls in a BIG cab

My food adventure doesn't end there.

After a long afternoon giving tuition, Mummy came to hall to pick me up and we went to Lavender Food Square for a big dinner of Sliced Fish Noodles, Wanton Mee, Popiah and Fried Carrot Cake.

*burp* I shall detox tomorrow...

[Time of Confession] 9:35 PM
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Friday, April 29, 2005

Aftermath

The extent of damage is ghastly.

After two yellow fluorescent highlighters, 5 blue ink pens, approximately 20 reams of rough paper, 2 waist inches and 10 tonnes of added eye baggage, I have finally reached the end of the tunnel.

My exams are over.

While the common response is to shriek, scream, yell, laugh and jump for joy, my body is unable to bear that much of a strain. I am so drained and stoned that I might just fall flat on my laptop any moment now.

The consequence of sleep deprivation.

Anyway, the same feeling of loss haunts me. It always happens.

Without fail, after every exam period, I suddenly feel like I've lost the purpose and meaning for my existence. My drive and determination to work towards a distinct goal dissipates abruptly. I feel useless and redundant - like what I do no longer means anything. Signs of a workaholism?

Anyway, I shall retreat to my humble bed and recuperate. I need energy to paint the town red later.

Till then...

[Time of Confession] 1:58 PM
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Sunday, April 24, 2005

Secret Smirk

I'm like a little psycho planning on my next misadventure.

I can't stop smiling to myself.

Alright, my exams aren't quite over yet (still have 2 more papers but as evon described, it's effectively only one, coz bioinformatics is really the LAST thing on our minds) and the paper on Wednesday is an expected killer paper. So, what's there to rejoice about?

For one, the fact that my freedom is so closely approaching (less than a week!!) is enough to make me burst out laughing suddenly for no apparent reason. Okay, maybe all that studying has done some permanent, irreverisible damage to my logical thinking and reasoning but I seriously couldn't care less. The caged bird flies free on Friday!!!!

Feeling miserable of resigning to the fate of a lump that lives and breathes notes in my isolated abode up on a mountain in the clouds, I have decided to head home for the weekend before I disintegrate from malnutrition. (My 'elevated status' has been a major obstacle for me to come down to earth to get my meals - I have been living on plain crackers for the longest time. Crackers with margarine, crackers with cheese, crackers with tuna mayo..... crackers anything)

I thought I must have lost 10kg or something but there was no change in my weight (no, not even 0.1kg less) when I weighed myself back at home. Conclusion: Plain crackers are fattening.

I feel like a little princess back at home. Everyone is especially nice because they know I'm superstressed out by the exams (but doesn't seem like the case now... oops). My sis is so endearingly patient to my inability to listen to her weekly adventures like I usually do, helped me to tape 'Palm of RuLai' on Saturday and even saved the last Cornetto ice-cream cone for me!!

Talking of which, I'm devastated that the show's ending its run tonight. When I found out, I felt so lost. What the heck am I going to watch after my exams?? There goes my plans of becoming a couch potato... (to make up for the >14 days I haven't so much as touched the tv remote) But then I realised, they've started to show 'Joey', I'm going to borrow Seasons 5-9 of FRIENDS from Theresa and I can sit all day in front of the computer reading "Baby Blues" from the archives (which I am so addicted to!!) .

Ahh... the beckoning of the holidays... and I will also be taking up French! That means much more than Je m'appelle Joie and C'est la vie from me.

Lalalala...

Now back to Biochemistry. =(

[Time of Confession] 1:22 PM
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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Lum Dee Dum

I'm a supergoddess with a super duper memory and am going to do so darn excellent well for my paper on Wednesday.

Okay just ignore me. I'm just trying out some positive thinking.

My mum used to drill into me that positive thinking works wonders. It better do this time.

When you think you can, you will.

I hope.

Studying for this subject is like the ultimate challenge for memorizing and more memorizing. My dear Mr. J is not helping me much. His textbook is so disorganized sometimes it is really making my life quite miserable.

And did I also mention that the 2nd hand book I got (from tt cheaterbug! yes, i'm still angry with her!!!) has some discrepancies from the latest edition - which is, unfortunately the recommended one this year. I will NEVER buy a 2nd hand book. EVER AGAIN. Not from that woman, at least.

Oh well...

But something brightened my otherwise dull day of studying. I got a call from my best friend! Millions of miles away from NZ! She still remembers me while on vacation. How sweet... =) Just to hear her tell me to press on and not give up suddenly relights my determination and drive.

Chiong ah!!!

[Time of Confession] 12:22 AM
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Monday, April 18, 2005

Quiescent Fears

I survived the weekend away from home. In hall. Buried alive under the horrid orange book with paragraphs after paragraphs about the immune system. I can't do it. I can't bring myself to love Mr. J.

Sigh. The tumultous emotions of love and hate.

My fear is building up. The fear that my brain will decide to take a hiatus come Wednesday and everything I've learnt will be lost far-far-away. I am worried I have reached the maximum capacity for information loading.

I need more memory space and a faster processing speed.

And the fear just adds on because I don't seem to be thinking enough about B and T cells. At this point in time, they should be occupying my every day and night dreams - dominating my subconscious, but I woke up this morning only to realise I just had a dream about teaching my cousin how to analyze crystal structures and read the UV spectrum of bound and unbound rhodopsin. Why can't BS206 just STOP HAUNTING ME??? *wail*

T cells, B cells, antibodies, cytokines, chemokines, anergy, apoptosis... Dear Mr. J, please let me dream of your work tonight.....

[Time of Confession] 12:28 AM
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Saturday, April 16, 2005

Highlights, Lowlights

The highlight of my week is.......

a less than 3 hour trip to Jurong Point.
With a mouthwatering Fish & Co. dinner and a mad rush of grocery shopping thrown in.

And since that's done, I can say that my week is coming to an end. What a pathetic way to end the week but there's no room for complains.

I'm not on a holiday.

Oh I can't wait for the darn exams to just end so I can finally come and go as I please. No sticking to short meal times. No deprivation of beauty sleep. No more flat butt from sitting all day. No more whining.

Talking about sleep, I had this vivid long dream last night about JT. It's definitely freaking me out. I can't be missing 206 THAT much, can I? Crazy things stress does to people's minds.

I need my sleep....

[Time of Confession] 10:02 PM
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Friday, April 15, 2005

The Little Things

It's the little things in life that just make your day, isn't it?

Like how someone commented that my haircut looks nice on my way out this morning. Like the window seat I got in the library that's so heavenly quiet and blessed with an awesome view.

Like hearing that I've lost weight (although he didn't say it in a flattering way. I don't really care. I look slimmer!). Like reliving my childhood memories as I suck on the Everlasting Gobstopper candy from Theresa. It used to make me wonder if Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and the Oompa Loompas really existed.

Like how it makes my day just thinking about my little darling at home. She actually remembered it was my first paper yesterday and secretly used my dad's handphone to send me a Good Luck message the night before.

Just thinking about the amusing ideas she comes up with gives me the chuckles. This was taken when we were making spaghetti. No more tears for her when cutting onions.

Like the rush of endorphins after a night run. Like the thought that the weekend is less than an hour away. Like trying to fall in love...

with Mr. Janeway, the author of my Immunobiology text. Geddit?

[Time of Confession] 11:07 PM
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First Day Jitters

I'm breaking my solemn promise to stay away from blogging and concentrate on my studying but I have a gnawing urge to just blabber away and type whatever that comes to my mind. I have succumbed to the temptation. But at least I'm not giving up the mugging. Just taking this as a teeny break away from being a total nerd.

Just finished my first paper today and it was okay. I think. The 2.5 hours in the exam hall passed like a blurry moment. It went by so fast I almost panicked when I saw that time was going to be up in 15 minutes and I still hadn't completed my paper.

There's a weird sense of loss now that I've completed BS 206. I know it's crazy but I will miss having my mailbox flooded with emails from JT (otherwise known as my favourite lecturer this sem. haha) - with his sharp comments like "I will not answer ridiculous questions like these again." Will not miss the lame questions that some students send though. Some of them are really rubbish, I can see where his frustrations and irritation come from.

What's more crazy is that I actually enjoyed studying for this subject (okay just shoot me). Although it was quite a struggle getting started and having to face formulas after formulas, diagrams after diagrams, whenever I manage to fully understand and grasp a concept in this module in BIOPHYSICS, I experience an inexplicit sense of achievement and pride. Haha... I'm such a weirdo.

Anyway, today's really not a good exam day. Audrey-Ann got involved in a car accident on her way to school and almost couldn't make it in time but she was really lucky that a STRANGER who was on his way to work at CLEMENTI actually stopped by and answered to her flagging for help along the highway. This super nice person gave her a lift all the way to NTU!! I'm amazed that such nice people DO exist in sunny Singapore! (But of course, this occured only after cars upon cars, and taxis upon taxis just zoomed past without even bothering to slow down to see if help was needed).

I WAS heartened by this man's kind deed, but a bunch of dodos in the library had to spoil it for me. I really don't want to talk about the boisterous group of inconsiderate people who are hogging the tables in the library when they're not even studying. I just hope someone else gets so irritated with them and throws a slipper or something right smack at them. Theresa was so pissed off she wanted to fling her sng buay seeds at them. But good thing she didn't. Or we could have been banned from coming to the library. Ever.

Then there's the earth-shaking, ground breaking, world-spinning news that...
TREVOR JALLA JUST GOT MARRIED.

Trevor who?

Trevor from Ublues!!! (second from left)

Everyone who knows me well enough will know that when I first saw him, I fell in love....

....... with blues.

Okay, it should be "When I first heard him sing..."

Anyway, I'm happy that he's found his soulmate. It's not easy for musicians to settle down as they tend to be very free-spirited people and go wherever music takes them.

And I'm taking this 'devastating' news surprisingly well... maybe it's because I have a new love interest?

Not going to let the cat out of the bag yet. I will only give one clue. His name starts with a J. No prizes for the correct guess! =)

[Time of Confession] 12:21 AM
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Saturday, April 09, 2005

It's all in the mind...

I like the way your eyes they come on in the dark
I like the way it don't take much for you to start
MINI - no one takes me further than you
MINI - don't you look at me that way, you know it's true
I've got a journey in my pocket - If you want it then you got it
I now I realize that you've got freedom in your eyes
My love is no surprise to you

MINI - no one takes me further than you
MINI - don't you look at me that way, you know it's true

We go the distance yeah - to the mountains & the skies
The first impressions clear - you've got freedom in your eyes.

I'm listening to Corduroy's acid jazz and chilling despite the fact that the exams are *gasp* next week. I really miss home and want to go back to my luxuries and comfort badly, but I'm stuck here AGAIN, without fail, on a Friday night. While everyone else is probably in their home sweet homes, here am I, waiting for tomorrow to come so I can drag myself for 4 hours of lessons - I really don't have the mood to give tuition cos I could really do with the extra hours to do some studying.

But I better get used to being away from home for a while. If I really get to go to UK....

Anyway, it isn't such a bad Friday night. I had more than pesky flies (due to the stupid humid weather) for company. Met up with a friend whom I haven't seen in a while cos he was too busy buried under FYP and projects and me with my studying. We had a titillating dinner cum supper (would it be called dipper? ok, lame...) of satay and fried carrot cake. Sounds oily, but I tell you, nothing can be more oily than the food at Canteen A's rice stall. The dishes there practically swim in oil - it makes my dinner tonight seem like organic food.

It's a good breather to get out of NTU, even if it's just a 10 min drive away. Just like how loneliness is just a state of mind, to experience freedom and repose within minutes is possible. It's all in the mind...

[Time of Confession] 12:12 AM
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Thursday, April 07, 2005

Brighter day

My mood is picking up. It's progressing slowly but I hope nothing bad comes along to undermine it. Or at least, I hope I'll be able to take whatever shittiness in my stride and maintain a sanguine attitude.

It's almost 11pm and I'm still at the Genting Highlands of NTU - probably the coldest place that's above sea level in this extreme west end of Singapore. I think I look like some cuckoo wearing a thick windbreaker ON TOP of a 3 quarter sleeved top... but really... it's practically freezing in here.

I can be so fickle. When it's hot, I cannot study well cos the heat makes me feel drowsy and restless. When there's aircon, it's too cold, my hands get numb, can't write properly, can't think properly - brain freeze. Bah. I think the best solution is.... don't study. If only I could. But then again, when I'm not studying, I will say that I miss being such a nerd. Can't make up my mind...

Oh no... library computers are shutting down... better leave before Theresa falls asleep on her books.

[Time of Confession] 10:52 PM
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Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Brain Fag

I'm weary and tired. My eyelids and limbs seem to weigh much more than before. I feel like a living lump.

The battle has worn me down. Much to my disappointment, the boys in the library are driving my sanity to the cliff's edge with their incessant talking and laughter. I really do think they're behaving like young boys who lack the basic courtesy and consideration for the people around them. And for goodness sake, it's the library, not a coffeeshop for them to chit-chat talk cock. Exasperation is not at all helpful to a flagging concentration when I am trying to study a hell-lot of mechanisms that still faze me even after hours upon hours of trying to figure them out.

I am losing it.

The cold night and my fatigue is sending my subconscious reeling. Just as I was outside my room feeling the cold breeze, memories just came flooding back. Memories of nights like these. Memories of....

Some things should be left in the subconscious and maybe this is one of them. To keep, to hide, to never bring out again. For the broken remnants and the desolation are not easy to bear. Again.

[Time of Confession] 11:42 PM
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Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Pesky Irritations

Even right at this moment, there's something that triggers my "Irritate!!!" switch.

The keyboard and mouse that's cemented with dirt and god-knows-what. Yuk. Now I know why scientists claim that the keyboard has more bacteria than the toilet seat.

I suppose it's inevitable, that we meet with little things that just rub us the wrong way, but today seems especially bad for me. I'm so desperate to pour out my 'library' woes because really, I just want to concentrate on my notes but all I can think about it how the sucker sitting opposite me keeps chatting and laughing with his friend in spite of my very blatant "tsk..." and "ahem..." and when I really couldn't tahan anymore, "SHHHHHHHhhh!!!!!". I was so worked up I had to be careful not to spray my table with saliva as I did that.

The merry conversation did stop, proving the effectiveness of my secret weapon. But alas, it seems I'm fighting a losing battle with those jokers. The buzzing came back and they KNEW I was irritated because they kept peering over, as if to see if any smoke was emitted from my ears because of extreme irritation. I can only sigh in desperation and retreat to a pathetic (and bacteria-laden) computer terminal to type my grievances away.

That wasn't the only thing that pushed my buttons today.

Lunch time at the canteen always means a large crowd and occupied tables. Theresa and I were lucky to find a group of girls done with their meals and were about to leave the table. They stood up and contemplated whether to dispose of their utensils, looked up and saw us approaching the table and decided to just walk away and leave whatever leftovers on the table.

WT??!!!

For one, Theresa and I were not even wearing light blue short-sleeve shirts, so why did they, for that moment, think that we're the AUNTIES that cleared the tables??!!!! What, they actually expected us to clean up after them while they happily skipped away??!!

I can only imagine myself calling after them to say "S'cuse me!! Did you not read the sign on the table to CLEAR YOUR PLATES AFTER EATING?? You think the plates can walk to the dustbin themselves ah??" That would definitely have created a scene...but oh well. No courage to speak out like that so all I can do is complain here.

Going back to face the 'war-zone'. Hope those pests have decided to get down to some serious studying.

[Time of Confession] 2:30 PM
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Monday, April 04, 2005

One Day I'll Fly Away...

I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin to live again

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your love do for me
When will love be through with me
Why live life from dream to dream

And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Fly fly away.

[Time of Confession] 10:57 PM
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Sunday, April 03, 2005

The Mystery of....

It's a rainy Sunday afternoon - Joy and her little sister are up to some mischief in the kitchen. There's a faint crackling sound and a distinct aroma of sweetness....

is it a remedy for her sister's toothache?

or maybe a new concoction for a clear pore strip?

I don't think so.

Maybe, just maybe, it is........

mouth-watering, yummilicious, POPCORN!!!

[Time of Confession] 4:38 PM
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Song in my head

It's a good sign, when I have a song in my head. Of course unless it's some really irritating jingle from an advertisement that keeps playing on a tv, it's always a good indication when I sing to myself in my head. I don't know how to explain it, but I guess it means my amygdala is functioning fine.

Put it simply, I think it means I'm in a good mood.

Maybe it's because I've had sufficient sleep last night. Not excessive, like last week, but I might have clocked 8 hours, exactly, minus the 1o mins when I woke up at 6am realizing that I haven't washed off my face mask (I must have fallen asleep while waiting for it to dry).

I had an enjoyable time cooking lunch - experimenting with a different flavour of fried rice. It's garlic fried rice today, and it actually tastes good for the first try! Whee...I'm getting the hang of controlling the fire for cooking the different ingredients! At least there was no chilli burns this time around. I had this searing pain on my hands for hours last week after preparing the spicy meatball pasta for dinner. Chilli padi very hot!

I'm surprised at myself too, for actually cleaning up and doing the dishes after lunch. I'm such a slob when it comes to clearing the mess after cooking and would just leave the oily pots, utensils and everything else for my maid to wash, but I was a good girl today and made the kitchen spick and span before she came back from church. It must have been a pleasant surprise for her to find nothing for her to do but enjoy the rest of the Sunday and maybe, just give me a little helping hand when I make dinner tonight.

Lalala...

Oh and did I mention, no more freaking reports for me!! I've completed and handed in my 6th (or it it 7th, I've lost count) lab report on Friday and am now free from them! (actually not really lah, I still have one last report due after the exams but I can't be bothered about it now) Just one last written assignment before I can totally focus on my exams.

Wonder who said School of Biological Sciences (SBS) stood for 'si bei slack'??!!! (Bet you'd eat your words and choke on it if you were in my shoes!!!)

Anyway, don't want to spoil my Sunday with unhappy memories of people who apparently don't know what they're talking about.

Lalalala....

[Time of Confession] 2:06 PM
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Friday, April 01, 2005

Fridays

It's Friday and I'm in hall. As usual.

I have loads to do but my brain AWOL today.
"No strenous activity today please!" it warns.

So I end up sitting at my table with the lights dimmed, the music playing, my fingers typing away. I'm indulging my senses - breathing in the sweetness of the lavender room spray and am almost tempted to move to the floor, sit cross-legged and start to go "ohmmmmmmmm".

Okay. Truth is, I'm not a follower of meditation. But hell, it's supposed to be the essential survival tool of the modern woman. And no choking please. I do see myself as one. So maybe it's good to start trying it. It's supposed to be energy-boosting, revitalizing and mentally rejuvenating (means I will be able to study better... what better reason...) . That is, once I succeed in overcoming falling asleep while trying to attain enlightenment.

I have made a pleasant discovery.

The waistband of my jeans are getting looser. Other than the possibility that my clothes are expanding, I am feeling a smaller waistline.

Though I am not on a crash diet, I do regularly complain that I need to lose some inches (note that I didn't say I want to lose weight). You would too if you were like me and had the body that puts on weight by the snap of fingers yet takes centuries to get it off.

I have found the perfect solution to a trimmer waist...

Get busy.

Yes, it's that simple!
No pills, no starvation, no crazy workouts!

It really works, I tell you!

I have been so occupied with work and reports the past week I haven't got the time to even sit in front of the TV for a split second. And for me, watching tv without having something to munch is unbearable. So the omission of TV time = no more snacking. Because I simply don't have the time for that!

Meals are in smaller portions because
1. it'll be finished faster (time is money!!)
2. a hearty meal will make me sleepy and my efficiency will fall
3. the constant turning of the cogs in between my ears induces satiety. naturally.

Now I am beginning to like being a workaholic even more...

Muahahaha.....

[Time of Confession] 11:02 PM
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Wanting, Needing, Having

Every day, every minute, every moment,
there's something we want.
The simple things, things beyond reality,
the transient, the eternal.
The desire, the yearning, the desperation.

Sometimes when you're in luck,
you get exactly what you want.
On lousier days, you are forced to choose -
between what you need and what you want.
Save the former and sacrifice the latter.

On bad days, you get what you deserve.

Then there are the times when
you realise you are given something
but you end up with nothing
simply because you do not know what you want.

When you keep pining for something,
are you building up a false hope that will never come to be?

They always say,
you shouldn't want something you can't have.
But how would you know what you can't have?

Unless you tell yourself that it will never be yours.
You give up all hope.
You stop looking.
You stop waiting.
You stop wanting.

Then you can never have it.

The ambiguity of the infinite continuum.

I will walk alone.

[Time of Confession] 8:34 PM
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