Confessions of an Undisguised Drama Queen

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Need to focus...

There are a zillion reasons for screaming and crying that life's not fair and pound my hands into the air, asking the eternal question that can never be answered... 'WHYYYyyyyy????'

Why do good things have to end (my holidays)?
Why do my moods swing like crazy and outta control without warning?
Why are there so many gnawing thoughts in my mind?
Why am I afraid of something I don't even know what it is?
Why do I seek the advice of others when it turns out to be something I do not want to hear?

Of course I will probably never find out why.

But it doesn't matter.

Life's not about what could have been but what will be. So instead of questioning why some things are the way they are, I need to embrace them and do my part in making my peace with them so I can live in harmony with the nitty-gritty that will promise to stay and bug me for the rest of my waking life.

If I learn to use my heart instead of my head all the time, then maybe the gnawing thoughts will go away.

Fear reflects my insecurity and my lack of faith - a reality check to remind me that I may be strong, but I may still falter.

Sometimes what was intended as help and good words of advice only create more confusion. I need to learn to take things in with a pinch of salt. No one can tell me exactly how my life is going to turn out if I do this or if I do that. This journey is for me alone. The choice is mine and so is the responsibility. No one else should bear the blame or the glory.

Life is really beautiful when you focus on the good things and surround yourself with the people you love. I will count my blessings and thank God for everyone of them.

[Time of Confession] 10:02 PM
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