Confessions of an Undisguised Drama Queen

Monday, May 16, 2005

Garble and disconcerted thoughts

1. I feel like a big pui-kia. Just had a large packet of fried carrot cake and popiah from a famous stall in Lavender Food Square for dinner cum supper. Wah... haven't eaten such good food in a while. So satisfied. But I may have overeaten. I feel so bloated that I can't seem to breathe properly. Uh oh... not a good sign at all.

2. I'm so darn tired (but I can't sleep now with all the food churning in my belly) after the long day of 4 hour french lessons and 5++ hours helping out at a seminar my mum was giving a talk at. Stupid pointy heels made my feet ache all day. Hopefully I will get a nicely done pedicure tomorrow.

3. Had a little talk with my mum yesterday night. It's something rather rare because the only conversation that exists between us is almost routine - she will ask me, throughout the year, in a regular manner; 'When are your exams?' or 'When do your exams end' or 'When will you get your results' or 'When does school start?'.

Yesterday, the conversation was a little different. She asked me about the status of my exchange application and I told her that the results are not yet known. She asked what I thought my chances were.

"Errr.... I have no idea." Which is really how I feel.

Then she wanted to take a look at the essays I wrote for the application so I printed out a copy for her and went back to doing my own work.

A while later, she came into my room to tell me that she thought my essays were well-written and that she was confident I'll make it through. She said she felt proud of me.
At that very moment, it was like time stopped and every negative emotion that had propelled me to work even harder each time just dissipated.

For those who have known me for long will know that I've never really gotten my mum's approval in the choices I've made and it is almost always the case that I push myself to achieve results only to prove myself. I needed and wanted to show that I could do what I chose to do. I wanted to convince her that I know exactly what I want and what I'm doing.

I think there's no longer a need for that.

The few words she said expressed so much more. I feel a quiet sense of relief and comfort. It's a good feeling. It's going to be so much better working hard without the gnawing animosity and disfavour.

4. My entry on french men (and why we love to hate them) can be further substantiated. Another living example to be added to the list is none other than my french teacher. Sometimes I really feel like screaming out, "I think what you're saying is whole load of rubbish!!!!" when he starts on another of his OPINIONS.

*breathing deeply* I must not get carried away. I must bear with this for another 1++ weeks. (after which I'm sure to complain that I miss having to hear him ramble on his views on politics and SOCIAL issues. sigh. the paradox of it all)

5. I must get some rest to brace myself for tomorrow. Will have to face HIM again. Don't know if it's something to be happy about or to sulk over.

[Time of Confession] 11:52 PM
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