Confessions of an Undisguised Drama Queen

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Erotomania

The false but persistent belief that one is loved by a person, or the pathologically obsessive pursuit of a disinterested object of love.

A symptom of schizophrenia or other psychiatric disorders that are characterized by delusional symptoms.

The eager look on her face. The ecstasy when she thinks of him. The constant showering of attention and affection on him. She was deeply in love with someone who barely knew her. And all the while, she imagined that they were together and he was going to leave his wife to be with her.

Her crazed obsession ruined him, driving him to paranoia.

Watching her made my hair stand.

Audrey Tautou's performance was so impressive I am convinced that she is psychotic. In A la folie pas du tout (He loves me, he loves me not), she's diagnosed with erotomania and experiences a turbulent love affair. One with expectance, desperation and possessiveness.

The surprise was somewhat spoilt for me - I already knew how the story was going to end because Evon had told me about this show. Seems like that's always the case for me. It was this way too, for Jeux d'enfants (Love me if you dare). My cousin narrated the entire story to me before I decided I must not miss the show.

And guess what, crazy me went to rent the same movie. AGAIN. I'm a nutcase but I just love watching and rewatching the shows I like. It's a good thing it doesn't always happen that I fall deeply in love with a film.

It's nice to have the day off. No french lessons, no rushing for tuition/ appointments. Just me doing my own stuff at home. Cleaning out the hamsters' cages, clearing the mess in my room, playing my flute, reading, taking my sis out, watching movies.

Seems like mundane but everything is especially wonderful. La vie en rose - like looking at life through rose-tinted glasses. The burden is lifted and I have chosen my stand.

I do feel ashamed that I didn't immediately stick to my principles and even contemplated overlooking it. I tried to convince myself it's no big deal. I am fortunate I had someone to listen to me voice out my doubts. Hearing myself made things clearer than before. There was no way I would be able to live with myself if I made myself believe that it won't make a difference. It will, and it already has.

I have found my weakness.

[Time of Confession] 9:30 PM
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