Confessions of an Undisguised Drama Queen

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Babble Blabber Prattle Tittle-tattle Yak

I'm not acting cute with baby talk. Believe it or not, those are actually words from the English dictionary! The thesaurus is my trusty tool. I just type in babble and out comes a whole list of words that mean the same thing and sound just as crappy.

I'm in a crappy mood.

Everything I do just doesn't seem right nor feel right.

Other than the fact my stomach is growling like crazy (even after yogurt and cherry tomatoes), the oppressive pressure from being behind schedule is driving me nuts. I've just realised that in the midst of undertaking so many responsibilities, I've developed an Achille's heel. I can't give my best effort in the things I do, because my attention is being spread over so many areas. I simply don't have the energy to make sure that everything I do is to my utmost potential. And it's devastating when the consequences get thrown straight back at me.

Today I got back a written assignment. I got a C. My good friend got an A. The innate desire to want to be as good or even better than others was gnawing at me but I tried hard to ignore it. I reasoned with myself - why did I not get an A as well?

The answer was flat simple. I was rushing to finish it so I could get on with my other stuff and being the impatient me, I probably didn't figure out the mechanisms of the reaction in detail and merely breezed through, hence making significant mistakes. I sighed and wished I made more effort for it. And my other lab reports. But this will be at the expense of my other tutorials, my students' lessons and my beauty sleep. Worth it?

Now with 2 pending lab reports, and a couple more coming in the week, the weekly tutorials, my study schedule, the exam preparations for my 3 students, it isn't fair that I'm only getting 16 hours a day, minus my much needed 7 hours of sleep and 1 hour of tv.

I'm going to apply for a scholarship for an exchange programme to Europe next year. I hope it works out - then I'll be able to get away from all the woes. Even if it's only for 4 months. Just let me leave and give myself my deserved time alone.

[Time of Confession] 11:05 PM
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