Confessions of an Undisguised Drama Queen

Sunday, August 29, 2004

The Quest For Perfection

As I was sitting glued in front of the TV this evening, I was subconsciously beating myself up inside. As models after models came strutting out along the long and glittery catwalk (for the Victoria's Secrets Fashion Show), clad in skimpy and frivolous outfits, I was silently questioning, "How come I'm not that tall? How come these girls are blessed with such good looks and figures? They've probably got a career to boot and a constant in flow of big bucks... the glamour, the fame, the fortune and the beauty... life really isn't that fair, is it?"

Is it a bad thing to feel unsatisfied with one's life? Not necessarily. It's more of a double-edged sword. Realising one's inadequacy in certain areas could inspire and motivate a person to work towards a goal. Which is a good thing, unless the goal is blatantly unrealistic. And of course, when being dissatisfied leads to a lowered self-esteem and distorted self-image, things could get highly complicated and ugly.

For myself, I'm not staring in front of the mirror and aiming to achieve Heidi Klum's figure. Instead, I'm staring at my list of "To-Dos" and am aiming to put a nice big tick beside each chore by the end of this week. I'm also expecting to put more ticks beside the goals I have made out for this year.

I want to do well this semester - straight As and no less. I want to play better squash and perform my best during the upcoming competition. I want to spend more time with my friends and family. I want to save enough money to go on a year-end holiday. I want......

Suddenly I realise that the more I get what I want, the closer I move towards the perfect version of me. Yet, the list of "Wants" never ceases to lengthen. Thus, one baby step closer to perfection could be undermined by five big steps away from it - simply because I've found more things I'm not happy with in my life. Will this ever come to an end? Probably not. It wouldn't be called a QUEST for perfection if it was so easily attained, would it?

[Time of Confession] 1:26 AM
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