Confessions of an Undisguised Drama Queen

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Mid Week Restlessness

It's the day that is neither near the start of the week nor is it close to the weekend.

There are two ways to look at it.
1. This sucks cos there aren't many hours left to do enough work for the entire week to be justified prolific. What have I been doing the past few days? (Two, to be exact)

2. It's great cos there are still 2 days before the weekend. At least I have SOME time, even if not much, to buck up.

I'll take no. 2, thank you very much.

One of my so-called resolutions at the start of the year (I don't usually make any.. well...) was to choose to be happy. In all situations, no matter how difficult, in spite of all the shittiness the world and its people can fling at me, I will choose to be happy.

I need to remind myself that there's so much more to life than just pursuing secular aspirations.

It does bug me a little that I'm not stressed at all this semester, despite the fact that it's less than a month to the exams. We humans are so weird... when we're so bogged down under the extreme pressure that threatens to break us pieces, we cry out and wished that we could have that stress-free life. When things lighten up, we worry that we're taking things too easy and we SHOULD be feeling a little bit more tension.

So what exactly is it that we want?

I guess it all boils down to insecurity.

But at least I know these things are not in my tiny human hands but in the big, sturdy hands of God. That's enough for me.

I've been having many vivid and somewhat disturbing dreams lately. Two nights ago was about some plaque that hit the country and killed masses of people, and last night I dreamt about this big wave or storm (possibly a tsunami) that crashed into the large, seaside estate that I resided in. And then I got held at gunpoint by a corrupt policeman.

I wonder if these dreams signify anything.

Well, it's the mid-week. That means another 3 more nights of dreams to come. Possibly. Probably by the end of the week I can put them all together and piece the hidden message.

I should start a dream journal. Actually, I have. But the habit died after many late appointments because I had a hard time putting those images into words before I brushed my teeth in the morning.

Dum dee dum...

Was so glad to hear from Grace (NZ) and Grace (US). It always feels like they're heaven-sent angels whenever I get calls like these. It's amazing how timely the calls always are - when I'm feeling a bit blah or just when I need someone to talk to (so that I know I can still communicate with people...there are days when I probably speak less than a 100 words? oh gosh, I'm like a man...haha).

Really miss you girls!

[Time of Confession] 5:35 PM
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