[C'EST MOI]
living paradox. individualist with anarchistic tendencies.
eludes eminence but appreciates subtle recognition.
capricious yet dependable. clandestine and unfathomable.
cynical realist who succumbs to the occasional idealism.
[J'AIME]
music. films. feasting & drinking. team sports.
good company; family, friends and those who share similar interests.
It's New Year's Day of Year 2005. Like every other year, there will be no new year resolutions for me. For one, even if I did make any, they'd be long forgotten by the time March comes along. In addition, people who believe making resolutions are important for becoming a better person, I say, why wait till one year is over? We should constantly reflect upon our actions and review our mistakes. The self-renewal process should be a daily affair. Not annual.
For me, I like to think back on the past year and look at myself through a second party point of view. How have I changed? How has the things that happened affected me? How have I responded to each situation, good or bad?
This very moment one year ago, I was high on alcohol, tipsy and drunk with delight. I was with 2 of my very good friends (we had a hell of a party at O-bar for the countdown), a very special someone and his friends. I was crazily in like (love is still too strong a word for me to handle) with this friend of mine and being able to spend new year's with him was like a dream come true.
Now, I'm sober and wide awake. The countdown was a low-key affair in Blue Note at Boat Quay with Lena. It's just the two of us with our beers and soothing music from a jazz band. No more loud, thumping music. No more dancing till my feet hurt. In fact, my feet must love me to bits today for I was sitting more than standing today.
That special someone remains a special friend to me but things have turned out in such a way that I am no longer able to feel so much for a person. At least there isn't anyone who is able to make me feel the way I did. Maybe this just shows that I've matured, sobered and wised up over the year.
Clubbing and drinking has lost it's appeal to me. Unless I have a great company of friends to club with, I'd rather just chill.
Matters of the heart have taken the backseat. Much as I want to find someone to share my life with, my skepticism and cynicism towards relationships in our society is a great impediment. Broken relationships, boyfriend/ girlfriend troubles, cheating on each other... things like these I am seeing more and more.
If there's one thing I can hope for in this new year, it would be the same thing I wish for everytime. I wish to find joy. I hope to be happy. It's that simple. And selfish.
[Time of Confession] 3:38 AM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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