[C'EST MOI]
living paradox. individualist with anarchistic tendencies.
eludes eminence but appreciates subtle recognition.
capricious yet dependable. clandestine and unfathomable.
cynical realist who succumbs to the occasional idealism.
[J'AIME]
music. films. feasting & drinking. team sports.
good company; family, friends and those who share similar interests.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Christmas over the years
When I was younger, Christmas was family-orientated. We would go to church together. There would have be a Christmas dinner - most of time home-prepared but sometimes a rare treat outside. The Christmas tree would be up with lights, decorations and cotton wool for snow. Our presents would sit under the tree and so would my brother and I, waiting for the clock to strike twelve on Christmas eve so that we could unravel the mystery of what our parents got for us. Christmas was simple, warm and happy.
Time moved on and so did everything and everyone else.
In my early teens, Christmas was still spent at church. But this time, not with my family. My father wasn't a believer. My mum moved to another church, bringing my younger siblings with her (who were not born yet during those younger days of mine). My older brother stopped going to church altogether. I stayed on. And Christmas was spent with my church friends. They were my other family.
I guess this continued till I was about eighteen. Some of my closest friends left the church, some moved to a different service/ cell group. Things changed and I didn't feel like I belonged anymore. So I left.
Then, Christmas was beginning to lose it's meaning.
Being brought up as a Christian, my Christmas revolved around the birth of Christ, singing carols and celebrating the love of God. Santa and his reindeers were just silly made-up stories by some bored writer who was probably a non-believer, anti-Christ or something to me. I totally skipped that heart-breaking phase most kids go through when they find out that Santa is a hoax.
I vividly remember what was my supposed first attempt to spend Xmas away from church. (it feels funny calling it CHRISTmas because really, the day wasn't 'Christ-centred') I had called up 2 of my girl friends to head out to Orchard Rd together on Xmas eve - it was where the Xmas spirit was.
Or so I thought.
It was pretty fun at first. Then the people just kept increasing and before long, we were caught in a massive human jam. The Xmas eve night was beginning to seem like a nightmare. Then, just as I thought things could not get any worser, my friends had to leave. And it was only around 11. They were going to meet up with their boyfriends. What happened after is insignificant... Important lesson learnt: NEVER ask attached friends out only.
This year's Xmas is not pathetic, like last year's (thank goodness). No more friends who have to leave and spoil the evening. It's just my best friend and I.
Movies, chips, a nice seafood dinner and satay, doing mani-pedis, facials, exchanging gifts and just talking through the night... We were supposed to get up early this Xmas morning to go for a run and then a swim but the lazy us slept till noon before finishing our last movie. It was a sweet and enjoyable Xmas this year. A celebration of friendship, singlehood and independence. Ha!
I feel a sense of relief making it through yet another Xmas. Maybe things will be different next year. Whatever it is, I do hope if things do change, they will do so for the better.
[Time of Confession] 5:46 PM 0 Wisecracks for Me
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