Confessions of an Undisguised Drama Queen

Friday, July 01, 2005

Misunderstood

It's back to work today. Had a couple of tasks to do before there was another long afternoon break, waiting for digestion (of DNA, not of lunch) to be done, so I passed time surfing the net and did yet another quiz on what I really need in my life.

Understanding

You need understanding.
In your life there has been many people that could never seem too comprehend your
personality. Now you have either become an out-cast because of their narrow minds or you
have adjusted yourself to them, and never letting them see who you are deep inside. You
now think that no one will ever understand you and you hate that fact. Though you are scared
of what the effects might be if you would decide to let someone in so you keep a safe
distance that you both curse and bless.
What Do You Need in Your Life by Quizilla

According to this, I'm really Little Miz-Understood (pun intended). But yeah, I guess it's true.

Sometimes, I don't even understand myself. Emotions are a messy thing to me. I'm a person who knows what I know, but not how I feel.

There you have it: I'm a person who's always using her head and not her heart. For me, I rationalise. I hardly ever empathize. Now I can see that I'm actually quite like my mum. We're far from wearing our hearts on our sleeves. It doesn't make me hard-hearted though. More like oblivious by choice. Delusional.

So anyway, I was thinking on and off today, if it'd happen. As promised. I didn't expect. But was silently hoping; yet I tried to repress that because I knew I'd be in for a disappointment if it didn't materialize. Here, I really don't understand why I was hoping. Even if it was a little bit. I've definitely been through this before. And what happened thereafter wasn't pretty.

Yes, everyone must be thinking, move on girl.

I have. But how is it possible not to doubt and be skeptical when I'm talking about the same person? Am I getting myself into a mess that I tried so hard to get out of?

No, I shall not be narrow-minded and cowardly. For one, I'm definitely a different person from 3 years ago. I know what I want and I'm no longer the confused and insecure girl I was.

This afternoon, I distracted myself, forced myself not to think about it. It was probably just a harmless joke which was to be forgotten. No worries.

Then just an hour ago, it happened.
And I'm going to take it in my stride, like a woman should.

[Time of Confession] 10:52 PM
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